My daughters dad

[Summerberry22]

eldest daughter who is 3 years old she has got a dad that just hasn’t bothered with her , hasn’t sent no money hasn’t been asking how she is , my daughter just doesn’t know him . Until April 2023 his girlfriend
messaged saying it will be good if we all met up I don’t know who she is to be honest , but then I basically said ok then they said they’ll
message me a day next week to find out what day they’ll have off work and let me know … it’s now October .
Her dad has now messaged saying “ It’s (…) I wanna see my daughter can we make some arrangements”

Can I just stop him from seeing her ? He just doesn’t bother only when it suits him I don’t get it , don’t know what to do from him just speaking like that I just feel shaky within myself as I still have trauma as I was a victim of domestic violence with him years ago very badly . I would like my daughter to have more family there but my ex and his family are really sly and fake people .

You could tell him to start the legal process of getting a Child Arrangement Order to see if he's serious. The courts would give him contact if he did this but it would be interesting to see if he would pay £210 plus mediation plus take the time and effort.

You can't stop him having contact but you can insist on doing it through legal channels and starting off with supervised contact to see if he can be consistent.

Definitely get him to take you to court. At the very least you might end up with backpaid cms

Contact and money are separate issues so you won't get any through court. Child maintenance can't be backdated either.

Claiming CM either makes them more determined to throw threats of court or has them quitting their job to avoid having to pay based on the stories that I read here.

I definitely wouldn’t bother responding easily .

I would say that dad needs to get to know Dd first .. I used to do soft play ..it means Dad if he wants to get to know Dd will need to run around .. you don’t need to make small talk ..

I doubt he will be making much effort

You do know his gf is pushing for this because she can't admit he is a fuckwits shit df...? Which he is. Ignore and he will go away.

I agree with others. Tell him to sort out an arrangement order - that way its clear for both parties what is happening with contact. Also make him aware he will have to start paying CM too. I suspect he won't push it.

After 3 years? No chance. I'd tell him to sort it out in court if he really wants to see her.

I wouldn't rush to facilitate, that's for sure. Your dc doesn't even know the guy. Don't agree to them just waltzing in and starting contact.

Maybe try to get some advice from https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/ as he was abusive.

I'd be wanting any contact to start very slow and preferably supervised. Get support.

I agree with the above about letting him apply to court. If you get a child arrangements order in place get as much detail in as possible leaving nothing to “interpretation”.

have a think about what arrangements you would like which are in the best interests of the child.

is he on the birth certificate?

Agree with others. Tell him he is welcome to take you to court for proper visitation because it's not working his way,..dipping in and out.

And then ignore him if nothing comes of it.

I’d ignore them both. You don’t want a violent man in your young child's life.