Do men get it easier ?

[mendating]

I have a friend who is an absolute stunner and one of the kindest, most wonderful people. A real catch. Men flock to her when we go out. She’s also getting over some jerk who has been dating left, right and centre since their split. He wasted no time, was sleeping around and has now met someone. He is early 40s, penniless and a liar and cheat. Meanwhile my friend late 30s is gorgeous, funny, lovely, honest, has her own place, a great career etc and has been on a couple of bad dates. She gets lots of interest, but has standards, and is quite depressed about ending up alone. She’s come off the dating apps. I know she will meet someone but how can be there for her? She’s hung up on how quickly her ex moved on and so are we to be honest. I’m so angry and annoyed by her ex and can’t believe how an unattractive liar can get even a single date but there you go! She is well rid.

Just ranting about how unfair it can be.

The real question is why woman go for those sort of guys. Relationships seem to be very superficial these days going by looks and money rather than shared interests, good role model for future children.

She doesn't have high standards in reality. If she did, she wouldn't date a penniless serial cheater...

Sounds like she needs a confidence boost. She needs to actually believe she's gorgeous and clever and fun etc.

Jk987 well, to be fair, she didn’t know he was penniless and a cheat - he lied about many things. She introduced him to us and we thought he was great!

It is unfortunately unfair but it is the reality. There are plenty of late 30s or early 40s women who have experienced the same (OLD or IRL). The likelihood of meeting anyone looking for anything serious at that age is whilst possible, extremely low.

I don't think all men have it easier, but I think a certain type of man does. I call them salesmen, because a lot of them gravitate in that direction for reasons that will become clear shortly.

The salesman is over confident. He has to be, he knows he's going to get knocked back a lot but this doesn't bother him, because he's casting his net wide.

The salesman also lies. He says what he needs to do make the deal. It doesn't matter if 6 months down the line the product (himself and the relationship) turns out not to be what you thought you were getting. He's already working on the next deal.

The salesman is successful, or at least looks it. He has the nice car, (that work probably paid for), he dresses well, he pays for dinner. Until you look behind the curtain and find out that he's drowning in debt.

The salesman is not monogamous. He is always working a lot of angles, it's not the end of the world if he doesn't land this deal, there's another 3 in the pipeline.

Now before I get a lot of grief from people who work in sales, I'll just offer the disclaimer that not all salesmen are "salesmen", but a lot of "salesmen" tend to work in sales.

And as an example I will give you Delboy. Derek Trotter never had a problem getting a date. At first glance he was a successful business man, he wasn't good looking but had the confidence of a good looking man. He genuinely cared about his family, but even Raquel and Rodney couldn't trust him. He seemed like a decent bloke until he isn't, and the next deal coming down the pipe probably also thinks he's a decent bloke.

Wow this is excellent Bobbotgegrinch I showed my friend and she loved this - totally true!

Maybe for every 20 decent women there's only 1 decent man.

Well said!

I’ve heard it said that some men just won’t try and punch above their weight.

Also that men with narcissistic traits will punch above because a stunning women feeds their ego.

Both of these statements may be old hat and no longer true.

I think your friend needs to become an internet detective, by doing everything she can to vet potential dates. Not sure if that will veer into the realms of stalkerish behaviour, but I’m sure there’s info on Google on how to check up serial cheaters, people who lie about their jobs, where they live and debt.

They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a good’un. Perhaps there’s a way to get Google to do the frog kissing?

I don't think that's the case, it's just that decent men are less likely to have a string of failed relationships and so are less likely to be single.

My brother is a decent man, so his wife has spent the last 18 years happy with him.

On the flip side, my Dad is not a decent man, so keeps getting dumped. As a result he's inflicted himself on at least 10 different women in that same period.

The thing is that her boyfriend has more motivation to find someone because he wants to leech off a woman as he can't stand on his own two feet and another man wouldn't give him a penny.

But if she was willing to get in a relationship with anyone, then she could. So how has he got it easier?

If he was lying to her, it will take time to get over that. There’s shock. He isn’t in shock. And he needs a new women to leech off.

This situation isn’t really about who has it easier.

@mendating White men have it easier. Women of all races are willing to put up with mediocre or low tier white men on the pure fact they are white.

WTAF?! Please tell me this is a joke?

Is that an argument for polygamy?

(half serious)

I have wondered recently - do men find it harder to be alone?

A male acquaintance recently announced to me in a very relieved way that he now had “a girlfriend” in a rather generic way!

I think that quite a lot of men find it hard to be alone and any woman who is OK-looking, sexually or domestically available will do. Some women are similar of course looking for financial security and protection (that was the more old fashioned deal anyway, once very common).

If you are looking on a “higher level”, well, good luck with that.

@Isheabastard . The only solution apart from being single is determined and forensic searching and maintaining high standards (lowering them can get you really in the shit, speaking from experience). Or else good luck of course - or plenty of opportunities to meet men so a very big pool. If the former it’s a lot of hard work of a sensitive nature and you must also protect yourself assiduously.

I don't think so, but I think we are more likely to spend time in a relationship that we know isn't going to be "end game" than women are.

Women have a ticking clock counting down if they want kids. Most women want to be having kids by their mid 30s, they're going to take a financial hit from that so they want to be married at that point. It means that any time spent in a relationship with the wrong person, is time wasted.

Men on the other hand can be having kids until their 50s (and to stereotype, a lot of men aren't as interested in having kids as women. If it happens, it happens, if not then no biggie)

So we can take our time, we can spend a couple of years in a relationship that we know is fun right now, but isn't going anywhere long term. We can get bored, move onto someone else without having to worry about the sunk cost.

We're also less vulnerable. We don't have to worry "as much" about being abused, so we can take more risks.

These two things mean that we can afford to be less picky, so are more likely to jump from relationship to relationship. It's not that we're scared to be alone, it's more why be alone, when not being alone can be more fun?

Well, that's how he operates - you all thought he was great too, so she's hardly a fool. He can't be that unattractive if she was attracted - and you were all not agog at his hideousness 😂until afterwards.

She's just got to think bullet dodged.