My BF said his mother has NPD tendencies…

[VelvetVoice]

It is a new relationship, only 6 months, he is close to his family who lives in another country and I have not met them yet. He travels 2/3 times a year to spend time with them and never speak ill of them but the other day he said that his mother has strong narcissist traits. I wish we could have explored the topic more but I was on my way home so didn’t have time.

He has never been married - no children and it seems like he never had a very significant relationship is his life…but his sibiling is happily married with grown children.

He is an over achiever, hard on himself and a bit of a perfectionist yet very stoic too.

He is consistent, reliable and very respectful and emotionally mature, an absolute gem BUT atm he is suffering from ED and even though I enjoy everything he does to get me off - and his company overall - he is feeling super low and down in the dumps, for the first time I’m starting to wonder if he will break up with me due to his insecurities.

He is doing a thorough investigation on his health with his doctors and wishes they will find a cause and give him meds - apparently his testistetone is low but not so low that warrantes tostesterone prescription… he is mad because he says he always had higher levels then average so his low levels are significant low compared to the low levels of average men but the doctors want to investigate other causes…

I heard most ED is a pychological problem? So I’m wondering if his upbringing has anything to do with it too? Would therapy help etc?

We will see each other soon and I want to have a very open and honest conversation about it all. The ED does not bother me since he is fantastic in every other way but it is very frustating for him.

Anyone gone through similar situation and have any words of wisdom?

Thank you, I don't think he is on anti depressants and he has taken a blue pill once (that I seen)...on that day he got hard but lost it. I think he takes over the counter vitamins. He has been having blood tests and consultations.
I will ask all the questions next time we see each other. And research what doppler is.

@VelvetVoice

You are right and I believe he is worth persevering. He is already grateful on how I have been handling everything. I haven't asked a lot of questions as we introduced sex only last month and had only 3 attempts but I think I need to have these conversations now for my own understanding of him. And I will work on being more verbally affirmative.

^^^^
This is very much like an old friend though he has had previous relationships. Bit narc mum , perfectionist etc.
Years ago when he met his now partner same thing happened ti him.
Went ti the doctor.
He was asked do you taking drugs (weight lifting etc) ? No he didn't.
Have you got a new partner?
Yes he had.

• when I read your update that you only introduced sex a month ago and his age I thought yes I bet it's that.

So just give it time. For him it was initial first month thing and they have been fine ever since.

Well there you go, if he’s worth the effort ☺️ I know it sounds naff but consider all the other “love languages”. Not a phrase I’ve ever given much time to but my OH is really considerate, I’m really fussy with the most mundane stuff (like how i fold my laundry) but rather than get annoyed he makes the effort to get it right. He’s always asking if I want anything, makes me cups of tea, really tactile, cuddles me, humours me when I’m worshiping my cat, always makes time to talk even when he’s busy, plays with my hair because he knows it makes me sleepy. All things that build up an emotional bond and definitely enhances the sex. We all have issues, we all need a little patience and effort spending on us at times, it’s not about fixing them, just bringing out the best in them.