My sister has recently moved back to the UK after being abroad (Europe) for 20 years. We have a difficult relationship and are trying to get things back on track after a fairly major falling out a couple of years ago. I'd tried to offer support during her move e.g. arranging a shopping delivery, calling to offer emotional support during the move which was very difficult for her. She seemed to appreciate this.
I recently visited her for the afternoon (4 hour round trip) with my DC (14 and 16). I took her a small present and bought lunch out for us all. I was positive about her flat and city she's moved to. I thought we'd had a nice time and got text from her the next day to day thanks for coming and it had been lovely to see us.
A few weeks later she sends me an email to say she's really upset by something I said. She has health issues and had registered with a GP who told her the waiting list to see a specialist is 2 years. She told me this during our visit- I was not surprised about the 2 year wait (I work in the NHS) but was concerned for her and wanted to think what she could do to progress things as there's a medicine that makes a big difference to her quality of life. I tried to make some suggestions (raise a complaint, contact her MP etc) but she shut down the conversation. I took the hint and dropped it. She's later told me she was upset with me as I was accepting of the NHS waiting time and said I had 'crushed' her hope. I feel I'm being blamed for something that's totally beyond my control.
The time before this when we'd seen each other she'd been upset with me as I'd arranged to meet an old friend of hers who I'm also friends with. This friend has children the same age as mine and we'd meet regularly for many years (my sister was abroad). I'd tried to involve my sister and arrange plans around her. She said she was too busy but clearly had the hump with me about it.
I try really hard to be supportive and I consider myself a kind person but feel constantly criticised by her. I feel hurt that she's so often thinks I'm being uncaring and hurtful. It feels very upsetting that we can't even manage a 4 hour visit, supervised by teens without encountering an issue.
I've had a lot going on in my own life (separation - not my choice, supporting teens through this, on DC recently had a health issue requiring hospital admission- now fully recovered) . I don't feel she offers me much support - for example, after an initial message, I didn't hear from her for the whole week my DC was in hospital.
Any suggestions on how to manage this situation? I feel worn down and really anxious about seeing her again, worrying I'm going to upset her knowingly.