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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

having trouble reading coworker's intentions

7 replies

TMNT · 15/10/2023 06:25

I've a coworker this year and recently we've become close friends. During the workweek, texting almost the entire week, generally work related but also just casual smalltalk, as well as deeper, more personal things. Used to spend quite a bit of time in one another's offices but decided to limit that so as not to give impression of favoritism. Still, end of day, as we both almost always work late, usually for 45m-1hr will sit and chat about things, discuss how we enjoy spending time together, etc. Bit of a routine, surely. Typically, coworker will not go to work events without me being there.

Weekends, there is very little communication. Not zero, but I personally try to give space to people and they are of the opinion "it gives more to look forward to on Monday." In terms of "who initiates," it is fairly balanced. At the start of the day, it's usually them. After-hours, I would say more typically myself. Although we also both work late, so much of the time, as mentioned, it's just one long, ongoing chain day-to-day. Regardless of texting, I know the "end of the day" talks are basically a given, and, even on days where remote work was more convenient, they have chosen to come into the office to have a chance to maintain the usual. We do not discuss attraction/romance/anything inappropriate other than simply valuing each other greatly.

I normally feel that I have a pretty good read on this sort of thing, but there are just some strange mixed signals I pick up on, and the fact that there seems to be an obvious emotional connection but little-to-nothing in the way of flirtation is confusing. I am not really in a position of pushing it toward anything, more just curious what others think. Not concerned with office policies as it's more of a hypothetical curiosity than anything.

OP posts:
Bogeyes · 15/10/2023 06:40

Are they having trouble reading your intentions too?

Gardeningtime · 15/10/2023 06:54

Sounds like you’re just good work mates. Why the question, do you fancy them?

TMNT · 15/10/2023 13:48

Bogeyes · 15/10/2023 06:40

Are they having trouble reading your intentions too?

A fair point. Hard to answer but I understand what you mean beyond the question itself. I'm admittedly not sure what my own intentions are, and I think trying to figure them out is a step in that direction.

My question is mostly just that my gut is telling me that this person has feelings and I wanted to see what others think. Very unlikely that it would go anywhere, but I also don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I'm content with a good work friend, it just feels like it's not just that to me.

@Gardeningtime - I appreciate the perspective. I care about the other person, but since it's likely a bad idea to let it get beyond that, there's definitely a bit of a wall there from my side. I go back and forth because there are often times when they are going out of their way to come to the office specifically to see/talk to me when they could always text. Plus staying hours late at events with just the two of us... I'm not sure. Hence the post, lol. I do very much appreciate it though.

OP posts:
Jammylou · 15/10/2023 16:30

You keep referring to the co worker as person.....are they same sex hence you are not sure if they do like you.
Seems you want more than just being co workers.

DaughterNo2 · 15/10/2023 16:32

Who wants to stay an hour later at work to chat🤷‍♀️

joyfulfortomorrow · 17/10/2023 15:56

I think the first thing you need to do is ask yourself if you like them and would want to explore something more than the workplace friendship you have already developed.

Intentions are hard to read as you could think they are interested and they will only see you as the co-worker and it's very hard unless you are direct.

The next step would be trying to engage with them outside of work. Send a slightly subtle flirty message at the weekend and if they act strange from it and do not respond, act dumb and say it was for someone else that you sent it to them in error. That could be bad advice I am not sure!

Or you could take things more slow and just text at the weekend as normal and see what happens.

GreenGarnet · 17/10/2023 21:13

Are you both single?

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