No marriage no more children

[JFFT]

Hello,

Bit nervous about posting. Me and my partner have a really good relationships, and from the outside looking in people say it is "perfect". However the last few months a few conversations have come up and it has me worried about the future.

1. His father and step mother despise me, they have openly said that they would prefer it if we went our separate ways.

2. We have always spoken about marriage, we have been together 8 years, but a couple of weeks ago, he announced that he sees getting married as pointless and doesn't see why we should get married.

3. We have two children and have spoken about a 3rd, since recently we have been actively trying for a third, but it just hasn't happened. Tonight he has said he doesn't want a third.

Feel silly for even posting this, but some advice would be greatly appreciated. We do have a really happy life together but marriage and more children are both important to me...

He doesn't want to marry you, he has now told you he doesn't want the 3rd child. I hope for your own sake you have separate finances!

You can’t and shouldn’t try to make him have more kids if he doesn’t want to.

You are in a vulnerable position financially having kids with a man you aren’t married to. So focus on a clear argument to get married. If you think you can change his mind on a 3rd kid, hold that till you are married.

Sorry his parents are arseholes, but it doesn’t seem immediately relevant?

Do you have wills? What would happen to the children if you both died? Or the house? There's quite a few legal things that marriage makes easier. Many can be put in place without being married, though I think there are a few bits which can't.

I would check all that and say that's why I wanted it.

Friends got married recently (and quietly - just themselves and two witnesses,) to tie up some of the legal stuff after they've been together for 30 years. Their adult daughter also has to get her birth certificate updated, to indicate she is now legitimate.

Are his parents filling his head with nonsense?

Unfortunately, I would think he has one foot out the door. Something has changed.

Thank you all so much for your responses, it is greatly appreciated.

Financially - I am very secure, I am in a very fortunate position, and have a good stable career.

Wills - we do have wills and I have made sure that my children won't have to go without if anything happened to either of us.

It has just been a bit of a shock, as we have always spoken about the future etc. and now it just seems to have changed drastically.

I would never force him into getting married, or having more children as I know that it will turn out to bite me on the bum, I just don't really understand where it leaves me now.

Was more to understand if anyone has been in a similar situation.

Thanks again.

@Grendell this was my worry :(

If after eight years he's suddenly changed his mind on marriage and another child then my first suspicion would be another woman. And it sounds to me like his parents would actively encourage it.