Ghosted after two dates - how do I get closure?

[P0ppy88]

Hi

I’m looking for advice on what to do or say to someone who you think has ghosted you after two dates. Recently a man I matched with on hinge three years ago but never went on a date with got in touch out of the blue. He explained that he had to take a break from dating to look after his terminally ill parents who then passed away but was now back in town and interested in meeting. We started chatting again and have been on two dates. The second date went really well, we had dinner and drinks and spent a long time kissing goodbye in the rain, he texted me to check I got home ok and that he enjoyed our “rainy pda” to which I replied that I had a lovely time. That was 3 days ago and since then he has only responded once to a text from me with a short reply and no follow up and he has now read and not responded to my last message in over 24hrs. He was previously very responsive so I know I’m not being irrational thinking something has changed. It’s driving me a bit mad not knowing what’s changed and what I’ve done wrong. Should I reach out to him and what should I say? I know it was only two dates but this has really knocked me so I guess I’m just looking for some words of comfort and support!

No. Don't contact him. Judge him by his actions. He's just not that into you, so try to move on and find the one who is. I don't mean to sound harsh, OP, but he's not worth this angst and he doesn't deserve you.

There is nothing wrong with you so stop worrying you have done something. Some are like this but it could also be he just hasn't responded yet.

Don't send another message, the ball is already in his court. If you do and he is that way inclined he will know he has you hooked and will do it again.

If he doesn't respond and has ghosted, move on from him, genuine guys wouldn't ghost you and you'll be saving yourself future heartache down the line.

Keep your head up, it may be innocent but if not there will be someone else out there that's better for you.

I think this is just the way of modern dating I'm afraid, he was probably texting/meeting multiple women and chose someone else, absolutely no reflection on you.

If it makes you feel better, I was chatting to a guy in September and we went out, continued chatting then he rain checked twice, 2nd time sent flowers. I backed off a bit but still chatted. He was adamant we were going out yesterday, talked about it all week, one message yesterday morning, unrelated, then nada. When I came home from work at 6, supposedly going out at 7, I blocked him. God knows what he was playing at but 100% his loss! Next!

Men who are interested fall over themselves to respond. Just block him.

Please don’t double text, he has read it, he’s choosing not to respond. It’s a proactive choice he’s made, texting again just looks desperate and it won’t look good to him. I’m so sorry this happened, it isn’t the first time he’s done this to uou, just try to move on.

I think I’d be asking you - which do you think is more likely:

a) that a man who disappeared first time around, then got in touch 3 years later with a far-fetched sounding story and has now gone on to act inconsistently once more - is a decent human behaving respectfully and rationally

OR

b) that you, who have done none of the above, is so socially inept or unaware that you are able to offend someone without realising.

Come on OP - this isn’t about you. Block and move on and learn that next time you don’t need to humour someone who reappears after THREE YEARS!

Him not responding is your closure. If he was interested he'd be all over it. Block, lick your wounds, move on.

Personally, I wouldn't stress too much.

When I was dating I made my mind up after a few waste of timers that unless you're in a relationship you're very much single and can go on as many dates as you like. lt's meant to be fun after all and if someone isn't serious about you, let them go.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket, people can be so shallow and finicky these days that something shinier shows up and they're gone and let's face it, you don't want a relationship with someone like that. And definitely don't let it affect your self esteem! Online dating can be so grating when you're ghosted.

Keep positive and see what other fish are in the sea!

Also I think he likely lied op, he didn’t come off the dating scene as he was caring for a parent, I’m sure they were ill, but not he was thr carer who couldn’t go out, he likely was in a relationship that’s ended. He also will be seeing other women now, and he’s just done to you again what he basically did last time.

Thanks and yes you’re right, I suppose I just want him to know how it’s made me feel and hold him accountable but he clearly doesn’t care so there would be no point! I should have learnt from the first time

Thanks and I’m sorry that happened to you! What are these men playing at!

Thank you yes when you put it like that I feel like a bit of an idiot for letting him back in after three years in the first place, won’t make that mistake again

OP. I'm (kind of) in this position with an old friend (friends since age 15 & we're now 55). We've got together twice over the years, but FWB doesn't work for me so last time he tried I said a firm No thxs. Anyway we're still good friends & he's a builder so he was coming to do some (paid) work for me. Guess what ?
He's ignored contact re the work so I've had enough. I cant stop him behaving disrespectfully to me, but I'd be disrespecting myself to contact him again. Block him & move on, head high.

Men like that don't care but their ego may take a hit when they come running back at some point and you stand your ground.

Best way overall is not to give them headspace because they ain't worth it.

Do nothing and delete him

it’s confidence knocking but after two dates the only closure is that horrible phrase ‘he’s just joy that into you ‘

Forget and don’t let this dent your confidence

You’ve been on two dates. Just block him and move on. Don’t give him any headspace.

Move on, 2 dates you don’t need “closure” at least you didn’t sleep with him 🤷🏻‍♀️

You don’t need closure after only 2 dates. Just think fuck it, block, and move on. He ready doesn’t deserve a second’s more space in your head.

It's been two dates. He's basically a stranger. You have no idea what's going on in his life.

Maybe he's decided that you're not the right fit and is too much of a coward to say, maybe he suffers with depression, or maybe something serious has happened in his life that he doesn't want to discuss with someone that he's just met.

Don't worry about it. Just get on with your life and dating, and if he wants to get in touch with an explanation then he will.