What do you think of this? Superficial sibling

[GaNine]

I have a brother. He left to go away abroad a few months ago. When he was at home, he changed. He stopped talking to me. He talked to me but it was only ever hello in passing or other vague stuff like good morning. There was no connection between us at home. He was drinking a lot at home and I think maybe there was even some drug use. I can't think of anything that happened between us for him to be so cold and distant towards me. Basically whatever is from him is vague and superficial.
He left to go away abroad. I can count on one hand the amount of times he contacted me. It was never of his own intititive. It was always started by me and responses would be polite and vague. We have all this technology now days and he does have a smart phone and he uses technology, but he hardly keeps in touch with me. I say hardly in that, it's superficial. I feel it's fake and forced from him. I sent a small token Christmas gift and card last year to him and he didn't even thank me. Any time he phones home, he only phones our mother. Never me. He has promised her time and time and time again to send pictures but he never does. She doesn't use technology and pictures would have to be sent to me. Still nothing. There's Facebook and WhatsApp and there's no communication from him. He could make an effort if he wanted to. When it was my birthday a few months ago, it was another sibling who rang me to wish me a happy birthday, he was in the background passing by and he jumped in with a 'happy birthday' before going again. So I can't say that he didn't wish me a happy birthday because he did but it was empty and superficial from him and it seems nearly planned and pscyopathical to jump in during another person's call to do it. When like he could have used a message app to wish me a happy birthday or maybe he could have rang me himself. He was a dickhead when he was at home many times but I never pulled him up on it and I just want to close down this connection now and block him once and for all. What do you think?

I only ever heard from him properly once this year when it was of his own intitive and it seemed as if he took a genuine interest in asking me how I was but that was only when he needed me to help him print out papers for his visa application abroad and scanned other documents. Basically just using me. Happy to know where I am to use me then cast me aside all over again.

Write him a letter to ask what has happened and what you’d like to happen instead.

I think you have posted many, many times about your family under many usernames and Mumsnet is not the only forum you've used. The situation at home seems to be verging on toxic, people are leaving. It's well gone time to get your own place and let your mother have some peace at this stage of her life. She's a saint. Apologies, I know I'm repeating myself 😊I'm like a broken record. Come back and tell me if I'm wrong. It's time to fledge the nest and build a social life outside of the family unit. Get some perspective. Lots of people don't send Christmas or Birthday cards to their siblings and still have a healthy loving family relationship. My siblings don't always send cards for my birthday and never at Christmas but they'd drop everything if I was in need. And vice versa.

I think you're finding out your brother is a total arsehole. It's hard, but there's rarely a cure except to get over it and treat him like he treats you.

I think the type of reply you are going to get is going to be dependent on the posters own circumstances.
My position with this is that me and DH could be your brother in this situation. We have cut toxic people out who made life feel like a living nightmare. When people go low contact (which is what it sounds like your brother has done), there is usually a good reason for it.
I think what you should do is let him go, it’s obviously what he wants.

Sounds similar to my brother. His world has always revolved around him. He has always valued his friends over his family + speaks to family when he wants something. He also moved abroad. While his world has expanded to encompass his wife + daughter, he still has no appreciation for my parents + seeks no relationship with me.

It used to bug me but I came to terms with it. I realised he doesn't value me. We are just totally different people. As a person, his priorities + values irritate me + maybe the same is true of him. Neither of us can change that. If it were not for being family, we would never be in each others lives. He sees no need to pursue a friendship. I realised I needed to stop bothering + stop seeking validity from him. What was the point in me one-sidely pursuing a closer relationship with him? Its not like if we were closer, we'd actually get on. Its similar to pursuing a ex to get back together when the original relationship never worked.
I cast aside my own expectations of what being a sibling means. Now whatever I do in relation to my brother, I do it for myself + my own values. I expect nothing in return. I remember their birthdays/xmas + expect nothing in return. We have rarely visited them + only do it with my parents as part of a proper holiday we want take. He won't even guarantee to see us, because he may have something else more important to do at the last minute. I would never plan a trip around him again, as it is just setting myself up for a fall.
Our relationship is entirely via my parents + a family whatsapp that we post in for them.
I suggest you challenge yourself as to why you so want him to initiate contact. Why do you want to see photos and get updates? Try to shake that need for him to contact you. He isn't going to show you he values + misses you. It doesn't sound like you are going to get the relationship you'd like from him. For your own sanity, quietly stop trying to closer to him.

Honestly I don't get this obsession with contact either being full on or nothing . You're not close ( lots of siblings aren't) it doesn't mean you have to go no contact. You can just him at family gatherings occasionally and that's ok.

Honesty it's seems so much like drama lama to me.

I read your post thinking that you wanted more contact with him, then got to the end and found you want advice on whether or not to block him. So I'm confused.

I don't contact my siblings very often. One lives quite far from me and we usually get together once a year for an extended family get together. And that's the only time I speak to him. We haven't fallen out, we laugh and joke together when we do see each other, we just don't see the need to contact each other at other times. We send presents to each other's children (well I expect it's his wife that sends to mine) but don't bother with cards or anything for each other's birthdays. It's just not important to either of us. I live closer to the other two so do see them a bit more often but not massively so. I don't ever ring them just for a chat. The only person I ever ring to chat to is my mum.