Red flags at texting stage of OLD

[BlastedPimples]

So I'm venturing into the world of OLD.

I've matched with one man. He seems very nice. Confident and assured. At least that's how he comes across in texts.

English isn't his first language although he does speak good Englsh. He speaks 5 languages.

What are red flags in messaging? I'm new to this. Not dated for 22 years.....

I'd not pay too much mind into red flags at just texting stage as it's easy to come across not as intended.

Texting too much or too often.
Texting too little or often enough.
(See what I mean)

Saying one thing and later saying another because he can't keep up with his lies.
Texting at times that suggest he is married.
Opinions that don't match yours - fine to a point but are you on the same page?

Does he live nearby? Do you have mutual friends? Google his name to see about crime etc.

Red flags would be tbings like love bombing behaviour. In the early stages of messaging this comes accross as basically messaging you all day. You've not even met him yet so that's really full on and creepy (when they are handsome we often overlook it! We shouldn't). But read up on lovebombing for a start.

Oversharing would be another example. It's done to hurry a feeling of intimacy and also falls under love bombing.

Mentioning a crazy ex is also a red flag.

Another red flag is never wanting to meet. Or arranging then cancelling more than once.

Aim to meet him within a week of first conversation. 2 weeks tops. If its 2 though, be very careful not to fall into a pattern if talking too much before hand as remember - you might not even fancy this guy when you meet.

You can say something like 'FYI, i'm not much into texting, but I'm looking forwards to meeting you on xyz'. To keep conversation to a minimum before meeting them after a date is arranged. If he ignores the boundary and keeps trying to glue you to your phone, then that another red flag too.

(Obviously if the date is still a week away or something then a chat or two before it is fine but if he starts texting you shit like "good morning beautiful" every morning - ruuuuuun!). Always remember, you've never even met the guy. If it would be too full on from any other passing acquaintance then it's.to.full.on...period.

Red flags? Anything that leaves you feeling uncomfortable or thinking WTF.

And telling you you're beautiful, sexy, etc. (lovebombing). As lovely as it is to hear (and I'm sure you are beautiful and sexy), anyone with genuine feelings is a little more cautious about declaring their feelings for fear of getting hurt. A lovebomber type/player is just casting their net and seeing who falls for it.

I didn't think in terms of 'is this a red flag?' more in terms of, is this someone who is deserving of my precious free time? Am I comfortable with what he has just said? Do his stated values align with mine? Is what he says consistently with those stated values? Does he dismiss you? Does he pay you compliments that are disproportionate to the degree to which he knows you? (Eg, 'I've enjoyed chatting with you this evening' is fine; 'I can't wait to meet you, I have a feeling this could become something really special' is not fine). Saying generic things he thinks women want to hear from men rather than treating you like a person. Watch out for his 'jokes'.

I often quote this on here but, look for how he makes you feel rather than what he says. Remember that line in Pretty a woman when he says something like, "I've never treated you like a prostitute" and she says, "You just did"? Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable like that.

I did old years ago. I gave a few benefits of the doubt initially and there wasn't one I didn't regret.

Remember some of the men on old smell of stale jizz. They are not all a potential partner 👍🏻

Just follow your instincts they very rarely let you down.