Single, getting lots of interest in real life…

[singleagaing]

Hi, I’m single and ready to date. Online dating has been awful so I’ve been going out more. I get lots of male attention - but I find it doesn’t really go anywhere. Few guys were very into me - no doubt about that - complimented me, asked me if im single, followed me around etc. They weren’t hoping for a one night stand or anything. Some I met on holiday. Some I met at parties through friends. But haven’t asked me out. I wonder if I’m not being warm or inviting enough? How would I do this? Thanks for any advice.

You could ask them out?

...followed you around? Lol.

And sorry op but the people you meet on holidays and at parties and you are so sure they aren't looking for quick flings?

Men who want to date you - date you. They ask you out.

Men who ask you if you're single at parties and somehow, never ask you out after those nights...yeah they wanted one night stands. Or they weren't that into it in the first place. Sorry.

But here's the thing - it's 2023 - we ask men out now.

Also, don't change yourself. If you were warm enoigh for them to chat to, you're warm and inviting enough for them to ask out.

But in future if you want something, go for it. Ask them out. No need to do personality gymnastics for some random guy. Just ask for what you want.

Men who ask if you're single at parties/on holiday; who compliment you; who 'follow you around' but who then don't also ask you out, are absolutely looking for a one night stand!

If they wanted to see you again, they'd ask.

That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, of course, just that those men are working the room/resort and just fancy a shag.

Carry on being you. No point trying to be anyone else - it's unsustainable in the long term 🤷🏻‍♀️

GreyCarpet I wouldn’t agree with one night stand - I obviously know what men are after that! I met these men through close friends and colleagues, not random people at a bar.

I do think it’s because I may be coming across standoffish - I’ve never known how to flirt or let guys know I’m interested. I struggle with that.

GreyCarpet when* men are after that

"But haven’t asked me out. I wonder if I’m not being warm or inviting enough?"

Do you fancy any of them beyond enjoying the attention? Or would you not have noticed them if they hadn't come sniffing around?

Perhaps they're picking up on your own subconscious "not interested" signal and you'll respond differently to a guy who actually piques your interest.

I tend to agree that if they wanted to ask you out they would. Unless you're being actively rude then men need much less encouragement than you might think.

If you have mutual friends can you let them know that you really liked meeting x? They'll probably be delighted to matchmake.

Taking a photo for Insta, adding it in front of them can be an easy opp for them to ask to follow you and stay connected without the risk of anyone suggesting an actual date.

I think if that’s what you think, then that’s probably it. A bunch of strangers on the internet won’t be able to make any accurate predictions as to what’s stopping men from asking you out.

I also tend to think that I’m the same. I’m just not approachable. Im friendly and take an interest in people but I definitely (consciously) do not give off flirtatious, or open to being flirted with, vibes. Im quite comfortable with it really as I don’t get out that often anyway but I think if you want to come across as less standoffish and more receptive to romantic advances, then look up how best to do that. Or, if you have any friends that seem to attract this kind of attention then either speak with them, or just observe (although the latter is a bit creepy 😂).

Best of luck with your search to finding a partner. Please do report back, as and when I’m ready (and able!) to get out more it’d be great to know what you did x

AquamarineGlass good advice! I did with one of the guys - told my girlfriend - and she laughed and said of course he’s into you. Going on a date next week.

My instant reaction is to shut down when guys start talking and are obviously so keen. It takes me time to listen and open up. It takes me time to figure out if I like them. By that point I think they give up - I’m not rude, I do shut down tho.

I’m exactly the same HalbusHumbledore

Im friendly and take an interest in people but I definitely (consciously) do not give off flirtatious, or open to being flirted with, vibes.

I don’t always instantly fancy men and need time

You’ve hit the nail on the head DatingDinosaur I’m just not sure and they can come on quite strong so I just pull away and these guys are respectful and eventually back off

Hey, well if this is the case, see it as a massive positive/bonus/benefit to you. In OLD-y parlance, all these guys are swiping right on you - YOU - and you get to pick and choose who's suitable. And just like OLD, there'll be plenty that don't get a second glance.

This is actually "girl power" at it's finest.

Enjoy!