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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Weekend childcare

10 replies

EllaWallace · 14/10/2023 09:32

My husband has his own business and has to work long days mon-Fri and pretty much every saturday. We do family stuff on a Sunday morning and in the afternoon he catches up on paperwork. We have a 1yo and a 3yo who are at nursery 4 mornings a week when I work from home. He earns the vast majority of the money. I do all the house stuff.

The thing I struggle with is that come winter my husband spends multiple Saturdays away all day doing his sport and often goes to the pub after so he’s away literally all day.

I don’t resent him having some fun. But I do resent the fact he can take Saturdays off for that reason, but not to spend time with me and the kids. I know he’s making money to support us but still.

He thinks I’m being unreasonable. I think it’s unfair that I’m expected to look after the children every Saturday without question. Feeling very confused about it and it’s a sticking point in an otherwise pretty good relationship. Thoughts?!

OP posts:
Humanswarm · 14/10/2023 09:36

I agree with you and see how that's a difficult situation. In an otherwise good relationship, is there scope for compromise, could he do his hobby say 2 weekends out of 4 instead?

Could Sunday paperwork be moved to make more time for family on a Sunday?

Birdh0use · 14/10/2023 09:39

Depend what you agreed before havung kids really. I was pretty clear that playing football then going to the pub all afternoon on Saturday wasn't fair

fairer surely if you both take turns to have a Saturday

InsaneInTheMumBrian · 14/10/2023 09:40

He basically wants a family without ever having to look after them. When exactly does he see or spend time with his kids?

rainbowstardrops · 14/10/2023 09:43

It doesn't sound very fair. Why does he have to work every Saturday during spring/summer but can willingly leave that in the winter for his hobby?
Do you get plenty of time for hobbies?

Alphyn · 14/10/2023 13:46

Is the issue that you feel he should be spending more time with the kids on Saturdays or that you want some time off for yourself? You probably won’t be able to change his behaviour for the former but you could look into paying more for childcare to free up some of your time (e.g. babysitter on Saturdays when he’s at his hobby so you get to go out too or putting them in nursery on the day that you’re not working).

rookiemere · 14/10/2023 16:18

Start going out every Sunday, he'll soon change his tune.

ColleenDonaghy · 14/10/2023 16:48

He sounds awful. If he can't see it when you spell it out that a) he's getting huge amounts of leisure time that you don't and b) he's spending no time with his DC then I don't know how on earth you make him see it tbh.

Pumpkinpie1 · 14/10/2023 20:48

IF he has Saturdays you have the equivalent Sundays .
Be assertive. He made children he needs to parent them too

billy1966 · 14/10/2023 20:59

He doesn't want to be around his children.

It is absolutely NOT normal to spend all Saturday on sport and the pub with children.

Its the behaviour of shit husbands and fathers.

Do not allow him to convince you otherwise.

If he gets angry with you, it is to shut you down.

That is what abusive men do to keep women quiet.

I'm so sorry OP.

I hope you have family and friends close by.

EllaWallace · 15/10/2023 12:45

Thank you for your replies everyone 🙏 it’s incredibly reassuring to know that this situation isn’t fair. It can be so hard to judge when it’s your own relationship.

I’m not sure how to improve matters, but at least I’ll feel more confident in my convictions next time we discuss it.

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