Writing down how you feel has great value, so continue to do that.
There is absolutely no rush for you to make any rash decisions.
Seeing a therapist is excellent to tease out how you feel and what you want.
Can you reconfigure the house and move into a bedroom of your own?
This will give you a safe space of your own where you can focus and think of only yourself.
You are doing it all yourself so you do not necessarily want to make the next 5 years harder for yourself.
You can focus on what a single life would look like and forge ahead with relationships and friendships that will support and nourish you in a life without him in it.
Whether you actually leave or not can be decided in the future, but having your own interests and network will benefit you either way.
Look at getting your children to do more and be less reliant on you.
The nights he cooks should be nights that you take for yourself and start seeing friends, sports, an evening class, a walk with a friend, anything at all that takes you out of the house.
Men like your husband can be very difficult in retirement.
It reminds me of an a lovely woman I play tennis with, she is 67 and her husband has been a demanding man in their marriage.
Within a year of her retirement at 60 she was really struggling.
He was quite controlling of her time, when she was leaving the house, seeing friends, she felt she was on his clock.
He was very demanding about his meals being at a certain time.
He also didn't like to fly.
She was offered a free holiday in Tenerife by a friend with a holiday home there.
She went for a fortnight and then suddenly decided to stay on for a further month.
When she returned home she told her husband she was done.
They haven't divorced but are now living separately within the home.
The house was surprisingly easy to carve up.
They only share a kitchen but she no longer does any cooking for him.
She lives and holidays completely separately.
The garden is his pride and joy and the alternative for him if he doesn't like this arrangement is the house will be sold.
She is very open to the house being sold and he knows this.
She hasn't any interest in another relationship but was more focused in living peacefully, independently, without his demands.
She said that within one year of being retired she realised that not only did she not love him, she no longer liked him, didn't want to listen twitter on, no longer cared at all.
She realised while on holiday that for her mental and general health she needed to not be with him.
His constant texting and ringing her about him being inconvenienced by her holiday was the final nail in their marriage.
She is so grateful that she has her own pension, she has repeated this on several occasions.
Her husband is very wary of her now and she wishes she left had him a decade earlier, but she is happy enough.
There children have adjusted.
She was very firm with them.
They were busy living their own full lives and she was done putting their fathers care ahead of her own.
You are still a young woman with a lot of living to do.
Feeling powerless is awful.
As is the loneliness of just drifting along.
Taking back control by seeing your therapist, figuring out what you want your future to look like, expanding your circle, looking and managing your finances, will help you to feel less adrift and more in control of your life and future.