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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband behaviour

36 replies

MariaL40 · 13/10/2023 20:43

I cooked dinner and when it was ready and called everyone to eat husband answered no it’s not ok we’re not eating now!!!
It’s not like youve made a 5 star meal! This was said in front of my 3 sons.
It was already late and I was annoyed. I ended up eating alone in my room as I can do without the aggravation.
He then texts me 20 minutes later annoyed because I’ve had my dinner upstairs!

OP posts:
Chelsea543 · 13/10/2023 20:48

Well I’d be on strike with cooking and from tomorrow onwards he can prepare the 5 star meal for himself and your& your boys (if they are grateful enough) can eat when you do or eat their dads Michelin food!

Fahbeep · 13/10/2023 20:54

MariaL40 · 13/10/2023 20:43

I cooked dinner and when it was ready and called everyone to eat husband answered no it’s not ok we’re not eating now!!!
It’s not like youve made a 5 star meal! This was said in front of my 3 sons.
It was already late and I was annoyed. I ended up eating alone in my room as I can do without the aggravation.
He then texts me 20 minutes later annoyed because I’ve had my dinner upstairs!

For the next few days, no more cooking for any of them until they apologise.

Passwordsffs · 13/10/2023 20:57

I agree no more cooking until
you've had an apology in front of your sons . Hope you’re ok xx

Original poster
MariaL40 · 13/10/2023 21:13

I’m really struggling at the moment. This is just one very small episode of what I’m dealing with.
He has really turned the boys against me making out like I’m the problem I find myself withdrawing from it all just to protect my mental health and he is of course using that against me as well

OP posts:
Olika · 13/10/2023 21:20

I agree no cooking tomorrow (or next few days). Tell him he is taking care of it.

Cherrysoup · 13/10/2023 21:20

No more cooking !

wildwestpioneer · 13/10/2023 21:23

I'm sure he'll appreciate making his own dinner from now onwards

How old are your dc?

Chelsea543 · 13/10/2023 21:23

MariaL40 · 13/10/2023 21:13

I’m really struggling at the moment. This is just one very small episode of what I’m dealing with.
He has really turned the boys against me making out like I’m the problem I find myself withdrawing from it all just to protect my mental health and he is of course using that against me as well

This is very sad when it involves the children too. Well personally I’d be getting my ducks in a row to leave and if the kids refuse to leave they can stay with dad I’m sure they’d eventually see he’s the problem especially if they don’t have you there to do things for them. Are you in a position to get a place on your own? I’m guessing the love has gone in your relationship.

AmandaHoldensLips · 13/10/2023 21:26

This is unacceptable. You're not their domestic servant and you deserve a bit of bloody respect.

How old are your boys?

Daffodil63 · 13/10/2023 21:26

This is absolutely not on OP, don't accept unacceptable behaviour. There are several ways to deal with this such as refusing to cook as other posters have said; cook yourself only a meal; go out to eat; sit him down and talk to him? Whichever way you choose you shouldn't put up with this, it's not good role model behaviour for your sons either.

zeibesaffron · 13/10/2023 21:27

Text him back and say I ate upstairs because you were being a twat!

He needs to apologise in front of the boys for his behaviour- you need to call this out or it will get worse, he is teaching your sons to be rude and disrespectful.

Do not be afraid to re evaluate your relationship if it continues- you are worth more than this.

OhcantthInkofaname · 13/10/2023 21:29

When did the children eat?

hobbledyhoy · 13/10/2023 21:37

Don't withdraw, if he's the type of man he appears to be from this anecdote it's probably what he wants you to do. It creates more distance between you and the children and creates a them and you mentality.
Don't put up with his shit and I'd calmly call him out in a matter of fact way in front of the children to make it abundantly clear to all you're not a doormat and this won't be tolerated.
Once the children are in bed you tell him in no uncertain terms to wind his fucking neck in

tkwal · 13/10/2023 21:39

It sounds like this is the tip of the iceberg. What ages are your sons ? And what kind of example is he setting ? Has he always been like this? If so I feel sorry for your sons future partners. You shouldn't put up with this behaviour any longer.I definitely wouldn't be providing meals, laundry or other services for any of them at the moment. In fact I would (finances permitting) take myself off for a couple of days and see how they cope. If they don't then come to their senses then it's time to put your needs above theirs and leave. It will be hard but I don't think you have a choice when you're being so blatantly disrespected

Original poster
MariaL40 · 13/10/2023 21:55

hobbledyhoy · 13/10/2023 21:37

Don't withdraw, if he's the type of man he appears to be from this anecdote it's probably what he wants you to do. It creates more distance between you and the children and creates a them and you mentality.
Don't put up with his shit and I'd calmly call him out in a matter of fact way in front of the children to make it abundantly clear to all you're not a doormat and this won't be tolerated.
Once the children are in bed you tell him in no uncertain terms to wind his fucking neck in

I nearly always do say something it always ends up being my fault though.
Hes basically just said that the boys are suffering from my behaviour I’m not participating anymore etc.
I feel really bad

OP posts:
OhcantthInkofaname · 13/10/2023 22:10

What behavior? You gave us 1 example of an exchange between you. You're not explaining anything. What behaviors is he accusing you of doing? How old are you children?

Original poster
MariaL40 · 13/10/2023 22:23

He has hit me in the back during an argument on 2 occasions while we were in bed I had my back to him so I was really shocked. He has
thrown water on me during an argument.
He can be highly critical of the food I make, the food I buy, the way I do things in the house, the way I raise the children.
He refused to move his car for me last week so I couldn’t get out as my car was parked behind him. It took 15 minutes before he would move the car after telling me he wasn’t moving until he was ready I’d have to wait an hour as that’s when he’s be leaving!
Has accused me of having affairs, calls me princesss in a sarcastic way and when I called him out on that he replied why what do your other men call you ? (In earshot of our sons)
He threw and broke a box as he couldn’t find socks. The list goes on.

OP posts:
Maybenotthistime · 13/10/2023 22:31

Do you have any local support?

Thereislightattheendofthetunnel · 13/10/2023 22:32

Sorry OP, you are in an abusive relationship and you should seek help. Are you working? There are some charities that can help you. It is not ok what he is doing to you physically and mentally. Please leave.

Original poster
MariaL40 · 13/10/2023 22:33

Maybenotthistime · 13/10/2023 22:31

Do you have any local support?

Yes I’ve connected a help group but have no family here unfortunately.

OP posts:
Original poster
MariaL40 · 13/10/2023 22:33

Contacted sorry

OP posts:
spookehtooth · 13/10/2023 22:45

Thereislightattheendofthetunnel · 13/10/2023 22:32

Sorry OP, you are in an abusive relationship and you should seek help. Are you working? There are some charities that can help you. It is not ok what he is doing to you physically and mentally. Please leave.

^ Agree with this. That behaviour of his you describe is grinding you down, nobody deserves it. Violent behaviour doesn't have to leave bruises to intimidate and affect your life and mental state, it doesn't even necessarily have to hurt much really

Hellinthekitchen · 13/10/2023 22:48

Sp your husband is physically and emotionally abusive.

Have you been able to reach out to Women's Aid for advice?

billy1966 · 13/10/2023 22:49

You are in a highly abusive relationship with a violent man that has assaulted you on multiple occasions.

You poor woman.

Please contact Women's aid.

Tell your GP you have been assaulted and consider the police.

He is a vile man.

Please tell the truth.

He is violent.

Passwordsffs · 13/10/2023 22:51

I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this abusive behaviour OP . I hope you can gather enough strength to remove yourself and your sons. Wishing you all the best x