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Original poster

I have feelings for his brother

6 replies

Rosa120 · 13/10/2023 18:39

Hi... I am 24 and I have a boyfriend for 2 years. we started to live together 1 year ago and my problem is that I feel something for his brother but I have no clue what that is. I am really confused. When I first met him, there was nothing. But after some time, I started to feel some connection between us. He always makes some jokes about us two. For example - we were in a bar and my boyfriend went for beer and his brother told me: Finally, we are here alone, how about a date? He is also really kind to me, everytime we are somewhere I feel, that he is protecting me and watching me. When I am quiet for a long time he always asks: what is it? Are you okay? We have simmilar hobbies and we talk a lot, when we are together. Last weekend, we were on a family birthday party and we talked together for a really long time. I heard my boyfriend say: Look uncle and this is all the time! (in funny way of course). So yeah, we kinda like each other, but I am afraid, that from my side, it is somehow... inappropriate. But I am not thinking about him all the time. I do not have the need to be near him or with him. I know how falling in love looks like and this is not the same, so that is why I am so confused.. But sometimes, when I go to bed, I have fantasies about him. Not sexual, but ... some kissing, touching.. But it is for example during one month. Then there is second month without even thinking of him. Then we are all together in a bar, I am drunk and I think about how do his lips taste, after two weeks, we are in a bar again and nothing. Also he is dating, and... I do not know how I feel about it :-( .
I feel horibble. I have everything what I ever wanted to have in my boyfriend. We talk a lot, we have the same hobbies - he loves sport so we play tennis, squash, table tennis. He would have done anything for me, I know that. And meanwhile.. I do this :(, I do not know, what is wrong with me, what to do and what that is. Is it like forbidden fruit for me? It would really help me to understand.

OP posts:
KateMiddletonsExtensions · 13/10/2023 18:45

It's just a crush. If you want to keep your relationship stay away from the brother. If you don't then walk away from them both. He's not a kind person as you assert if he's playing games with his brother's girlfriend especially as he has a girlfriend himself.

I think you're enjoying the fantasies too.

joyfulfortomorrow · 13/10/2023 22:04

Hey @Rosa120

What you are describing is more common than you would think. The thing about relationships is that just because you are happy and in love with someone, it doesn't stop temptation from knocking on your door and trying to fight its way inside.

Temptation is always going to be everywhere and the more you let this go on, the harder it will be to avoid. Sometimes it could be that for example, you are a bit bored of the day-to-day relationship with your boyfriend (you are happy but there is no spice) and then excitement comes in the form of forbidden fruit as you so rightly pointed out.

What makes things harder is that your BF's brother is also giving you attention and it is clear he is also interested in you. But make no mistake, there is a very high chance he only wants your assets (Go and look up Elliott Scott on Instagram. A dating coach from America who does some excellent content). If you have ever seen 'he is just not that into you' there is always a chance you are the exception and he genuinely has feelings for you but in most cases, you are just the rule.

I am going to share with you a story that might make reality sink in. A few years ago one of my cousins started having similar feelings for her husband's cousin who was always around them and the guy was into her as well. Before she knew it she was having a full-on affair, the husband found out, the world ended and they broke up to this day. Looking back she realizes she was missing something in her relationship and was not focused on making her marriage work. Her head turned too easily by the other guy when she should have put a stop to it before anything happened.

I think you need to ask yourself whether you are really happy with your current boyfriend long-term and whether staying in this relationship will always make you think about his brother as you are likely going to see him a lot.

My suggestion in the short term:

  1. Put some distance between you and the brother.
  2. Set clear boundaries such as you will stop the long conversations and time alone without your boyfriend around.
  3. Focus on other areas of your life and think about your hobbies, work, school, etc.
  4. When you see your boyfriend, have him come to your house (that's if you do not live together) and stay away from catching up in locations where the brother will be.
  5. Only be transactional with the brother. No personal deep connection talk anymore and just keep it like 'Oh nice weather today'.

I know you are not doing any of this on purpose and you are not a bad person. As someone else said, it is a crush but try to cut this off before it becomes something much more. I would try to look deep within and ask myself why this is happening and it could be you are unfurled in your life in some way which could have nothing to do with relationships.

I hope to have been some help and good luck :)

PierceMorgansChin · 14/10/2023 09:00

This is especially gross, because they are brothers. Make no mistake, when shit hits the fan, and it eventually will, YOU will be the bad one. All family will turn against you and blame you rather than a brother. Cheating is wrong but cheating with your partners brother is vile. Looks like you are cheating already. Hope your boyfriend wises up

Splitscreened · 14/10/2023 09:09

I notice you only mention your boyfriend in terms of him noticing your closeness to his brother. How is your actual relationship?

KateMiddletonsExtensions · 14/10/2023 15:12

I heard my boyfriend say: Look uncle and this is all the time! (in funny way of course

What the heck does this mean?

Splitscreened · 14/10/2023 15:22

KateMiddletonsExtensions · 14/10/2023 15:12

I heard my boyfriend say: Look uncle and this is all the time! (in funny way of course

What the heck does this mean?

I think she is saying her boyfriend pointed out to his uncle that his brother and the OP were talking, and saying they talk to one another a lot. It’s not clear whether this was said jokily, positively, angrily etc.

I hold to my earlier question that as this is the only time her boyfriend features in her post, the OP is just not that into him, and that fancying his brother might be a wake-up call to this.

However, it’s highly unlikely that even if she ditches her boyfriend and declares her feelings to his brother, that the brother is going to want to date his brother’s brand-new ex…

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