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Relationships

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Original poster

Puppy has taken over our relationship

34 replies

80swerethebest7 · 13/10/2023 08:11

So my boyfriend had a lovely staffy when we met. Great dog but slept in the bed with him. When I began staying over I Soon found myself annoyed in the night when a dog lay between us. I couldnt stretch my legs out and my boyfriend had his morning cuddles and kisses with the dog and I was barely acknowledged. He spent more time calling the dog over for a cuddle and fight on the floor than he did engaging with me and I felt a massive idiot when I had to bring it up one morning when I couldn't remember the last time he hugged me and he was gazing in the dogs eyes at 7am. He told me I was jealous of a dog and made me feel stupid.

Anyway said dog passed away. 3 years later and he's just invested in a frenchie that's supposedly ours! I've never trained a puppy so followed his lead. She was brought to bed the first night. This has continued. She's been with us 4 weeks now. I dont live with my partner but stay half the week. The last week those familiar feelings are back. She's in between us on the sofa. The moments when he'd cuddle me or rub my feet (he asks he loves doing it) have now gone. We have gone from having sex 3 or 4 times a week sometimes twice a day to twice in 4 weeks. He said its because he's depressed which he is currently.

Last night we had a lovely meal. Bath. Then came to watch a film. He has a two seater sofa so i was sat on the floor because pup had got in between us and was laid near his hip. He asked why I was on the floor. I said she's laid there so I won't be comfy. This morning he was laid spooning the puppy at 5am and facing away from me. Then we were sat in bed having a coffee. She was asleep under the duvet and he called her up to lick his face and he wrapped his arms around her and snuggled into her face. I got up and started getting ready for work and said she gets all the hugs now and laughed.

He's just called me saying I'm jealous of the dog and was quite defensive when I said I'm struggling with how suddenly intimacy has gone from our relationship.

Am I being childish?

OP posts:

GrazingSheep · 13/10/2023 08:13

Go find an actual adult to have a relationship with.

Worddance · 13/10/2023 08:15

I would dump him. So disrespectful and immature. Also, his dog will expect this level of attention and be a pain in in the neck if they don't get it forevermore.

Humanswarm · 13/10/2023 08:17

Yup, sorry I think you are a little..
Puppies are notoriously hard work, I agree I wouldn't have my puppy in bed but I do know lots of people who do.
Did he consult you when purchasing the pup or did you have no say?
By your own admission, your DP is depressed, dogs can have a massively positive impact on mental health, from getting outdoors, to focusing attention on training, to those hormones they make us produce which feel good!
I think perhaps a compromise could be sought, and you could agree to train pup to sleep elsewhere at night? But you do sound like you have no affection for the puppy at all, and given she'll probably be around for at least the next 10 years then you need to consider if it's where you want to be...

Burnamer · 13/10/2023 08:18

I’ve been there so i understand. If he won’t discuss it then he’s not going to recognise the problem, let alone change.

you have a choice though - is this what you want?

Velvetbee · 13/10/2023 08:22

Leave.

Original poster

80swerethebest7 · 13/10/2023 08:23

Oh I do love the puppy. I've taught her to sit and lie down and clipped her nails and I have hugs with her too. But I still have given my partner a massage and still want that closeness and a cuddle with him in the mornings or at night like we have always shared. That said if she continues to take over our bed and I get ignored then I will find it hard long term..

OP posts:

Gymmum82 · 13/10/2023 08:24

I would dump anyone who thought a frenchie was an acceptable dog to own

SaracensMavericks · 13/10/2023 08:26

But it's not that the puppy sounds like particularly hard work @Humanswarm. It's the boyfriend's behaviour that is the issue - putting the puppy first - and that won't change as she gets older.

OP I would really hate this - I don't think you're overreacting at all.

SirChenjins · 13/10/2023 08:29

Unfortunately/fortunately he's not going to get rid of the dog any time soon and he sounds like he's completely besotted with this new pup, so unless you're happy for the dog to be a big part of your life going forward (which they are) then you really only have 2 choices.

Does it really matter if he was spooning the dog at 5am and facing away from you though? Some of your wording about your relationship seems quite intense.

NotObligedToArgueWithStrangers · 13/10/2023 08:31

No I wouldn't be happy with that at all. Nothing wrong with being in love with the puppy, but if he can't see that allowing it to push you out of your own bed and sofa is ridiculous then he's an idiot. You have to both want it in bed with you and you clearly don't. This won't improve unless you draw a hard line now.

JollyGoodWine · 13/10/2023 08:33

He's just called me saying I'm jealous of the dog

Him saying you're jealous of the dog isn't really a proper response, is it? You would be perfectly justified in saying "well, yes, I am jealous of the dog, because you show it more affection than me, and feeling jealous is a perfectly rational response"

You're not being childish. It's completely understandable that you feel this way. And ultimately it's not about the affection he's showing the dog - it's about the affection that he isnt showing you.

OnAir · 13/10/2023 08:33

Can't believe you say on the floor because the puppy was on the sofa, but dramatic could of just picked her up and moved her ... he loves his dog, I love my dog they really help me cope with life. Leave and let him be happy with his dog.

Original poster

80swerethebest7 · 13/10/2023 08:36

I think it's because the changes are so sudden. He was always wanting sex and couldn't wait to see me and he made me feel so beautiful and wanted. To go from feeling so physically wanted to absolutely no interest is a big change. I've asked questions only to be told not everything is about sex. But it's not much to what your boyfriend to just put his arms out because he wants a quick 20 second hug. I'm not asking for even full sex. Just a little intimacy.

She's not a bad dog at all. It's just bedtimes I really hate how he can't seem to balance us and a dog.

OP posts:

Chedderbites2 · 13/10/2023 17:08

Can you bargin with him, say something like I love the pup too of course I do but on the nights I'm here can the dog stay in the dog bed or in the living room etc even buy the pup a fluffy dog bed thing if you have to. This would annoy me to be honest let alone the dog fur all over the bed. Another way to approach it could en to suddenly go crazy over the pup yourself. Lift the pup away from him and say u want its cuddles tonight and hug it etc or have it at your hip on the sofa. Sometimes a taste of own medicine might work. Sounds childish and probably is but maybe he just needs to see it from the outside in

Original poster

80swerethebest7 · 14/10/2023 07:34

Yes I think I will see if yesterday has made him realise. I can only Try. Yes the dog hair is a nightmare. The staffy would go out for a pee first thing in the morning in damp weather and straight back in the bed. I hated it. He did wash the bedding every week but it still felt like a dog bed! The other day I did actually say we need to wash this bedding..it had little puppy hairs everywhere.
I do like the puppy but it shouldn't be taking over adult time. I've raised two children through the baby and toddler stage and I never would have imagined dogs ruining my private life lol!

OP posts:

Riverlee · 14/10/2023 07:38

Puppies do take alot of involvement in early days.

looking4pup · 14/10/2023 07:46

How do you have sex twice a day 3/4 times a week with 2 kids?

Newnamehiwhodis · 14/10/2023 07:52

He minimizes and belittles your feelings. This is not a person to have a healthy relationship with. He’s not ready, and it’s doubtful if he ever will be, unless he can see how wrong it is to twist things and minimize how you feel.

triangulation with a puppy or a person , it doesn’t matter, it’s still triangulation.

leave him and find someone emotionally healthy.

bozzabollix · 14/10/2023 07:58

We are dog people, so I’d be trying to get puppy time too if I were you, they are so cute at that age.

I don’t understand how you can’t sit on the sofa with the puppy in the middle, they make excellent foot warmers!

Perhaps you’re not compatible, he’s needs a fellow dog enthusiast!

Barleycat · 14/10/2023 08:06

He sounds awful, I would dump him. Who wants a dog slobbering and getting hairs all over the bed and his being more interested in cuddling the dog than sex and intimacy with his gf is bizarre. Given the situation with the previous now dead dog it's something that's never gonna change. Leave him and he can find another smelly dog person to be happy with.

SunnyFrost · 14/10/2023 08:17

I would have run for my life the first time I realised his dog slept in his bed. That is beyond vile. Genuinely, utterly revolting. Faecal matter and goodness knows what else all on the sheets 🤮🤮🤮 How you got in that bed with them is beyond me, sorry.

The weird snuggly intimacy with the dog while ignoring his girlfriend is the icing on the already disgusting cake.

isthesolution · 14/10/2023 08:17

Was getting the puppy a joint decision? Or his alone? Did he consult you?

I think you've got two problems. You are very jealous. And he is very close with his pets.

Before the puppy arrived you should have clearly stated you weren't going to share the bed with it. And follow through with that. Unfortunately it's hard to undo that now but I would ask that the puppy sleeps on the floor as it disturbs you. If he says no then you either get used to the situation or leave.

SunnyFrost · 14/10/2023 08:19

He did wash the bedding every week but it still felt like a dog bed!

Thats because it WAS a dog bed.

Washing sheets weekly isn’t some kind of extra vigilant level of hygiene to mitigate against the effects of the dog. It’s basic and normal when just humans sleep in the bed.

wildwestpioneer · 14/10/2023 08:19

An earlier poster had it right, telling you you're jealous of the dog doesn't fix anything. Yea you are jealous, but that's a natural response to what's happening in your relationship.

We have dogs, my dh adores them, but never to the extent I feel pushed out.

This has happened before with his staffie, you need to sit down and spell it out, if nothing changes or he doesn't see an issue, in your shoes I'd finish the relationship.

Twiglets1 · 14/10/2023 08:22

Can we at least have a photo of the puppy?

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