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Original poster

Partners 20k debt

11 replies

Helpneeded16 · 12/10/2023 23:33

Partner of 10 years, own a mortgaged house together, has recently told me he has 20k in loans that have built up over 2 years. No children together. I feel trust has gone from being lied to for the past 2 years. Partner promises it won’t happen again and the loans are manageable over 4 years.

He says not gambling or drugs, just frittered away!

Needing advice, stay and work on the relationship or walk away?

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 12/10/2023 23:35

What has he done with the money? If it's gambling then run!

Darby3785 · 12/10/2023 23:42

I think for me it would depend on where the money had gone.
If he's an addict of some sort he needs to get some help because 20k of hidden debt is a different league.
Do you feel you can trust him again? It all comes down to this, is he willing to work with you to gain trust back? Does he understand what he's done and how this impacts the trust in your relationship.
If this was my husband I'd be asking the whys to him, looking at why he did it why he couldn't tell me before it got out of hand especially as homeowners together then make a plan to move forward if that's a possibility!

Elmer83 · 12/10/2023 23:57

RUN!

Ladyj84 · 13/10/2023 00:09

20k in 2 years huh where's it gone

determinedtomakethiswork · 13/10/2023 00:16

This is never going to be good news. He's either spending it on drugs, gambling or partying of some kind. I wouldn't believe a word of us and I would dump him but beforehand I would insist on finding out where the money actually went to. I wouldn't hang around while he promised to pay it back

Orange67 · 13/10/2023 06:28

How does one "fritter" away 10k a year?

TibetanTerrah · 13/10/2023 06:43

Orange67 · 13/10/2023 06:28

How does one "fritter" away 10k a year?

£200 a week or £30 ish a day. Doable by living beyond your means, impulsive purchases, frequent coffees/lunches/drinking in pubs I suppose?

Could also be some kind of hidden habit though - gambling, smoking, drugs.

unsync · 13/10/2023 07:39

Nope, been there, done that. Never again.

Mistressanne · 13/10/2023 08:51

Check your own credit especially on your address.
Be sure his loans can’t affect you.
And then for me it would be over, but I’m very careful financially.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 13/10/2023 09:02

£20k in two years is an obscene amount.
Id want to know, really frankly and honestly, where it had gone, and would make my decisions from there.

billyt · 13/10/2023 09:48

TibetanTerrah · 13/10/2023 06:43

£200 a week or £30 ish a day. Doable by living beyond your means, impulsive purchases, frequent coffees/lunches/drinking in pubs I suppose?

Could also be some kind of hidden habit though - gambling, smoking, drugs.

Show quote history

Wasting £30 every day?

I can possibly understand someone with sufficient funds spending that every day, but he's now £20K (if he's honest on that amount) in debt so it's £30 above normal.

@Helpneeded16 If he can waste £10k per year with nothing to show for it, how long before he's 'spending' your money?

RUN....

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