My friends ex partner keeps taking her ds to the PUB on his access days !!!!!!!!!!

[Oblomov]

She has been to court over access. Ex p does pay £50 maintenance per week, as court stipulated. But cancels access at the last minute.
He keeps taking ds to the pub, becasue ds (3)tells my friend that this is where he has been.
And her ds, going to ex p on a sunday is a total nightmare on a monday behaviour wise. Totally disobediant, shouting, tantrums, knocking his head on the wall. Rest of the fortnight he is fine.
I suggested that she was more upfront with her exp, and said .. from now on, this is o.k. , this not, or else I will stop access, ( they are due to go back to court in May. my friend suspects that ex p will then ask for an overnight stay)
Ex p swans off to spain, but has no money for ... a pair of shoes for ds.
Exp has not paid his phone bill so is uncontactable.
What advice shall I give my friend, please ?

The ex does sound like an arse. However, I don't know whether one can necessarily read the worst into the pub visits - it could be one of those family pubs with a soft play area. Or perhaps you know otherwise?

No , he lived in pubs , like spent all his time there before.
DS is there ALL DAY.
This is no child friendly pub thing.
This is taking his child to his usual haunts.

Has she still got her lawyer? Report it all to them - his behaviour deteriation and everything... they need a case to be able to stop overnight if they need to and this information is the sort of things they will need.

I have been through a court case for contact and was told to log any sort of behaviour changes in my DS who was between 9m and 18m old so at 3, the behaviour will be all the more obvious and therefore all the more important to the case.

She never has had a lawyer.
Her and ex p just went to court.
She has tackled him about this. His response was:
" I'll deny it. He's my son. I'll do what I f*king want, when I fking, want and theres f*k all you can do about it"

would she put up with her ex-h telling her what she can and can't do when she has the kid?
admittedly i don't think the pub is the ideal place for a kid to spend his days but i also think that for her to start dictating to the father what he does on his time with his child and threatening to deny access is overstepping the mark.it will also go against her in court.

Really BOD ?
I don't feel that she is dictating at all. Would you be happy if your children were taken not to sepnd time together at home, swimming, park, or just being together , but in the pub ?
She is not saying , yo have to do this.
Plus what about all the other issues.
hER EX P IS A NIGHTMARE.
And he shows her no respect and she is left to pick up the pieces, when ds returns.

Does he really take his child to the pup ALL day every time he has access? If this is truly the case then I would be very surprised that he is allowed to maintan contact without supervision... or is this a new thing?

Perhaps her son is difficult on a Monday because he senses a tension in his mum about the whole situation. Maybe seeing his dad for only one day a week confuses and upsets him.

On the other hand if the father really is as negligent as you say he is then it surely won't be long before his access is stopped?

Been away for the weekend. So sorry for delay in replying. Thank you for all your posts.

I did post this in another section ( not knowing where to start the thread). Becasue of the responses on this thread, becasue some people thought that this was o.k. ,I started to doubt it myself.
But on the other thread many people said this was not o.k. and that made me glad to see that some people understand and do not think I (she) is being unreasonable.
But no, if you only have one days access per week or fortnight,( I am not sure which, in this case) then being in the pub, for hours at a time, even if you are not actually drinking, is not o.k. Your child is around drunk people. Often swearing. And you SHOULD BE, in the park, feeding ducks, swimming, or just about anything else really.

This has been a recent thing Beanie. But when tackled, her exp said to her :
" I'll deny it. He's my son. I'll do what I f*king want, when I fking, want and theres f*k all you can do about it"
My dh thinks her ex p, who he vaguely knows 'of', is a waste of space.
I think that his effect on her ds is just totally disruptive.
I think she should try and get access totally stopped ( but hey, thats just ME !!). He intends to start asking for overnight satys and hollidays. Can you imagine this man pissed , with his ds in .... spain ?
She wants to curb all of this before it begins.
I was kind of hoping for practical suggestions of what she actually needs to do :
evidence, speak to a lawyer, contact the court, etc, to stop all this nonsense.