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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship advice: is it time to let go and how to move on?

10 replies

Erikahonchar · 11/10/2023 17:31

Hi there! So I want to ask for advice
i met my bf 6 years ago and the relationship was beautiful but 3 years down the line I noticed that we didn’t spend much time together (and maybe his lack of interest) (when I was in the hospital he visited me only once and was there for 1 hour) so naturally I wanted to save the relationship- I suggested to rent a flat and move in - he agreed… couple month after he said the he doesn’t want me that much in intimate way, ofc I cried, he apologised and after that s*x actually was good. Then we got separated because of political situation in our country so I left it for two month, we still talked to each other every day, when I got back I still wanted to live together so I found a different flat and we moved in. He was happy with that, but a month later I took his phone… and u know, he was talking to another girl, of how he would take her on the trip, he would send her his photos to show how cool he looked and so on.. I confronted him about that the next day, but I didn’t say that I saw his texts, he deleted some of the info and pics to show me that it was “nothing serious” and he promised to bring back my trust… a year into it, we were having a serious conversation- and he said this: “you love me more that I love you, I don’t feel that I played the field enough, I want other girl more that you, you won’t find anyone better than me, but I would be pissed if you start dating sb else, I want to be responsible only for myself, I didn’t want you a few days after you were sick because it would upset me, I will love you forever”
so, what can I do in this situation, because I love him, but all his words just killed me

OP posts:
Jhvnnoo0008889837373 · 11/10/2023 17:43

You want this relationship more than he does.
He’s told you his intentions, he wants you on the back burner while he keeps his options open.
Move on find someone else, he’s a waste of time.

Specso · 11/10/2023 17:44

What you can do is end it for good and find someone else who really loves you.

If a man said he ‘didn’t want me that much intimately’ the relationship would instantly be over. Please stop wasting your time and energy on a man who doesn’t want you.

The more you chase him and beg him to be with you the less respect he will have for you.

Laughloudandlong · 11/10/2023 18:02

It might be hard to understand or see right now but he's not worth the time or energy you are spending on him and the relationship. He doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve his indifference.

He hopes you'll be available when the grass over there has been thoroughly colour checked but you won't be because you respect yourself

Good luck and take your time being single.

category12 · 11/10/2023 19:51

It's not worth hanging on to someone who treats you like this.

You might love him, but he doesn't love you.

Do the right thing by yourself and cut ties with him. It will hurt and you will need to grieve the relationship, but in the long run, you will be far far better off than scrabbling around for what crumbs he'll give you.

Short term pain for long term self-worth and opportunity for something better with someone who loves you back.

Erikahonchar · 11/10/2023 20:49

Thank you for you response and support

OP posts:
Erikahonchar · 11/10/2023 20:50

Thank you, you are right.. I deserve someone who will treat me right, not the second option

OP posts:
Erikahonchar · 11/10/2023 20:51

Thank you so much for the support and your response… I needed to hear that

OP posts:
Erikahonchar · 11/10/2023 20:52

Thank you! You are absolutely right about this, It just hurts that I spent 6 years on this guy

OP posts:
Laughloudandlong · 11/10/2023 21:01

You got this. Be kind to yourself.
Scream, cry and shout with your support group, even if it is random strangers on the internet.
Good luck, this random is hoping you succeed

makeminealargeoneagain · 11/10/2023 21:04

You are worth so much more. You deserve to be loved for who you are and to be loved as much as you love a partner. Don't settle for being treated so poorly. Move on. You will be much happier in the future. Xx

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