Advice

[Lauralaurax]

Hi , my partner of 10 years has left because he said he took on more than he can chew because I suffer adhd with slight mental health problems nothing that stops me leading a life , he loved , cared and idolised me also bought me what ever I wanted for 10 years , he now says he is depressed but won’t seek help , he really has destroyed me and I’m struggling day by day :( any advice ?

Not very nice of him to blame you for everything if he's actually just struggling with his own mental issues. But maybe it's a bit of both in reality. It's hard enough to deal with our own issues... if our partner has issues too... maybe he recgonises he needs to be single right now and get healthy. Perhaps you didn't notices that he was carrying you to some extent? And now, he can't.

The 'he bought me everything I want' is a clue there. He's your partner, not your sponser. Not saying you're a gold digger, just that, ots an odd thing to say about someone you love who had left...'oh he bought me stuff'. Maybe because you're now going to struggle financially now so there's that added worry?

Ps: the trouble with partners 'idolising' you is that sooner or later, you'll fall off that pedestal.

I'm not trying to be harsh btw op. Just asking if maybe he was pulling a lot of extra weight in the relationship? Eg: main breadwinner.
And now he just can't anymore.

I have never asked him for things he always wanted to buy me everything he could , he done that all through the relationship , money I’ve never had and I’d pick love over it any day

Yes he has done just that … it’s just not nice as I did say at the beginning about my mental health .. just didn’t exspect 10 years down the line for him to walk out , I met this man online and he had cheated on me for year and half was in a long term relationship but I still stayed with him because I fell in love

It sounds like maybe you put him on a bit of a pedestal too. Maybe he lovebomed you with gifts in order to distract you from the things he was up to (and the women he was up to those things with).

And he's using your mental health as an excuse to waylaid his own guilt. He's blaming you so he doesn't have to look like the bad guy who cheated. Assuming the cheating is recent that is.

Either way, it sounds like it had stopped being a healthy relationship and it's probably a good thing for you that it's finished. Although it might not feel like atm. It might be healthy for you to take some time single.

When I met him he was with his long term gf and carried it on while he was with me , thing is he never wanted me to work he wanted to pay for everything and do everything

Maybe he has repeated the pattern with someone else.

I thought that to , he was showing all the signs but said no his lost himself he don’t know who he is no more

Are you working Op? Please say that you are!

Well I mean he cheated on you, cheated whilst with you so I wouldn't be surprised if he's left after cheating on you again. Maybe she gave him an ultimatum.

Don't be surprised if he tries to crawl back after realising the grass wasn't greener.

Yeah always be wary of a man who wants you to give up earning and rely solely on him.
It potentially leaves you vulnerable if he then leaves after years of relying on his wage.
It's just not worth it. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have a partner take that provider role. BUT always wise to at least keep working part time anyway if possible.

Thanks for replying , I have no friends or family so I’m trying to get through this nightmare the best I can :(

You'll come through it op.
Maybe it's time too see about joining a hobby group or meetup group (meetup.com). Get you meeting new people. Bumble app also does 'bumble bff' for meeting friends if one on one might be less intimidating.

It'll be easier to cope if you have things planned and new friends.

Once you've take a little recovery time of course.
And made sure you're financially sound. (Look into everything you are entitled to.
Eg: you'll be entitled to single person discount in council tax if you're the only adult in the home).

Think of it as an opportunity for growth. For you and your life in other areas. I mean I know it hurts rn but ultimately, he was a cheat and he made you disregard your own boundaries in order to tolerate that. You mauve lost yourself a bit. And your independence. Now there's a chance these can be found again.

Sounds like hes onto the next female. Good riddance. Keep yourself busy and dont look back x

Thankyou I was going to the gym but I’m poorly atm because of the stress , I’ll be back next week though , I will look into them sites as I’m so lonely even more

I don’t think I’ll ever know or find out tbh

This is really good advice, Op. Good luck, you have had a horrible shock. But your ex doesn't seem very nice at all.

Thankyou and it’s been a big big shock but I will get there and find myself again x

I don’t work no as I care for my daughter