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Original poster

Husband passed away

21 replies

Sweetielou · 10/10/2023 17:33

I’ve posted on here a few times when my husband and I separated. We got back together in July even though things were a struggle due to him drinking. Sadly he passed away on the 29th of July and I really am struggling without him .

OP posts:
WhereAreWeNow · 10/10/2023 17:35

I'm so sorry OP. Are you getting any support from family, friends or a bereavement counsellor? 💐

Woollymonster · 10/10/2023 17:43

I’m so sorry Sweetielou, you must be feeling all sorts of stuff. Grief is hard.

something2say · 10/10/2023 17:44

Aww bless you. How was his drinking recently, how did it go when you got back together??

Original poster
Sweetielou · 10/10/2023 17:52

When we first got back together his drinking wasn’t too bad but then it was a bit out of control. He was waiting to go in for a detox. He passed away due to a blood clot on his brain. I’m just lost without him now because I was hoping he would get his drinking sorted and we could have a normal life together

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetielou · 10/10/2023 17:53

I do have a lot of support from family and friends. I will look into counseling but have been advised to wait for a while .

OP posts:
Lastchancechica · 10/10/2023 17:57

It will be a terrible shock op, I am so sorry 💐

Mariposista · 10/10/2023 18:07

Allow yourself time to grieve OP. There is absolutely no timeline.
God bless.

Olika · 10/10/2023 18:08

I am so sorry Flowers

WombTangClan · 10/10/2023 18:11

I'm sorry for your loss and sorry for him that he wanted to but didn't get a chance to experience life after detox. Al-anon might be a good safe space if you need it. Be gentle with yourself.

Rec0veringAcademic · 10/10/2023 18:30

I am very sorry for your loss, Sweetielou.

madmumofteens · 11/10/2023 07:20

I'm so very sorry for your loss be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve 💔

pointythings · 11/10/2023 09:57

Oh that's so hard. I agree with allowing yourself time to grieve, but if things don't settle by Christmas look at getting support. With all the stresses caused by his drinking added in, you may well be looking at complex bereavement. I have been there, husband also alcoholic, death August 1st 5 years ago, with the difference that he was living elsewhere and we were divorcing, but the shock is devastating. I second Al-Anon or similar to discuss that side of it with people who know what it's like.

Mary46 · 11/10/2023 15:11

Sorry to read your post op sorry for your loss

Gloriously · 11/10/2023 15:18

I am so sorry for your loss.

I echo @pointythings that you may well be experiencing a much more complex grief that needs professional and/or specific emotional support as you are holding a sudden death, an untimely death, a death at a time of hope and expectation alongside the tough road his addiction brought you along before that.

Original poster
Sweetielou · 11/10/2023 19:54

Thank you for all your replies. I am really struggling and do think I need some professional support. Although he had problems he was my world and now I feel lost . He struggled with his mental health and also alcohol and if I’m honest I don’t think he wanted to be in this world anymore because it was so dark for him . I just wish I could have done more to get him the help and support he needed . I know he’s probably at peace now and I have to keep telling myself that .

OP posts:
WhereAreWeNow · 11/10/2023 20:01

Please don't blame yourself for not doing more OP. The truth is that you could do everything and more to help someone struggling with alcoholism but the addiction means they won't accept your help.
Please get professional help. Whether from a counsellor, Cruse, or Al-Anon.

pointythings · 11/10/2023 20:08

Seconding what @WhereAreWeNow said. Remember the 3 Cs where it comes to your late husband's addiction - you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it. When we live with someone in addiction, we are powerless in a way that we aren't equipped to handle. That's why you need and deserve support. Having counselling and being part of a support group saved my sanity when I was going through it. I now lead that support group so I can pass on that sanity to others. I hope you find similar support out there. Be very, very kind to yourself.

mininmaxi · 11/10/2023 20:09

I am sorry for your loss .❤️

Original poster
Sweetielou · 11/10/2023 20:29

I was so angry with him a few days before. We were at his parents and I walked out and went back home . He messaged to tell me he was at the hospital which I ignored. He tried calling me the night before it happened and I didn’t answer. His dad picked him up from the hospital and he went back to their house . His dad found him the next morning so he died thinking I hated him and I never got to say goodbye which I hate myself for

OP posts:
pointythings · 11/10/2023 20:48

@Sweetielou you didn't know and couldn't know what would happen. Your feelings of anger were valid - going to a support group like Al-Anon will make you realise that feeling anger at someone you love whilst still loving them is perfectly normal. Living with someone in addiction who won't help themselves is traumatic. Please don't blame yourself. Please get help.

WhereAreWeNow · 11/10/2023 22:54

@pointythings is right. You can't blame yourself.
You left in anger for a reason. You couldn't have known what would happen. You couldn't have changed what would happen.
I don't know what stage his alcoholism was at but, if he was drinking heavily, he may not have even remembered that you'd left or that he'd called you.
I know it's hard but try not to blame yourself.

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