How to help sister with depression and moving on from toxic relationship

[AutumnMeadow25]

Hi,

I'm 25 and my sister is two years older. She lives at home with my mum after moving back from Australia 6 months ago - she had moved over there for almost a year as her partner wanted to play a sport professionally.

I live with my partner but have been coming over a lot to keep her company. My sister's boyfriend broke up with her a couple of months ago and she's struggling to move on and is depressed - she is taking antidepressants for this.

She didn't seem happy in Australia and was constantly saying she wanted to move home. She eventually decided to come back to UK but her boyfriend stayed in Aus - saying he would be coming back. He eventually told her he had no plans to return to UK and ended things.

I try to help her/offer to go out and do things to cheer her up but it seems like there's nothing I can do or say to make her feel better. I also often feel bad for spending time at my flat/with my boyfriend as she gets upset when she's alone.

Does anyone know how I can help here and also stop feeling this guilt for wanting to have my own life? Thank you!

Some things we just have to grieve and get over by ourselves, in our own time.

Rather than going over, maybe invite her out for lunch instead. Tell her you'll see her, but not wallowing in the house, it's time to get out and about.

Maybe start going for walks ect...
Make a condition of your time that you two get out of the house. Take a spin class or go bowling or whatever.

Also, your boundaries are important too. You cannot pour from an empty cup. You have your own life and needs. It's OK to say no sometimes. When you do, maybe suggest an alternative day and time/activity. It's not selfish to look after yourself and your own needs. She also, needs to learn to do the same for herself.

Sometimes people appreciate it when you just touch base with them. Maybe a text to say you are thinking of them, a card, small gift. Personally for me I’d think little and often would work best. Both as a receiver and giver.

Perhaps see if you can find a book for advice. Depression can affect people in different ways and it will also depend on her basic personality.