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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Its all wasted isn't it ?

20 replies

Donkeyrides · 09/10/2023 23:07

I take care of myself. Shave legs every night so they are smooth & soft. I smell nice with my posh body wash. Nail/toe polish always applied. The hint of a chip and I take it all off and use it as a time to change colour. Nice lingerie. DH never notices. He's just seemingly not interested. I could never shave again and he seemingly wouldn't be bothered. i put some sexy lingerie on the other night for bed. No intimacy from him. I felt like a fool wearing it.
Am I wasting my time ?

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 09/10/2023 23:11

You should be doing all that for yourself, not for him! If you like being groomed, smelling lovely and looking great, carry on. Your husband might not care that your toenails look perfect though, he might just love you for who you are rather than how immaculate you are looking. Or does he not notice you in other ways too?

QueenofTheSlipstreamVM · 09/10/2023 23:12

Yes.
Try not doing it. Hairy legs.. Granny nighty.. no nice ladies etc.
See what he has to say then.
I was same as you..making great efforts .. my ex husband wasn't interested.. turns out he was having an affair.. in fact he had 7 .. that's why he's my ex.

Guesswho88 · 09/10/2023 23:15

Been there 😣draining as fck. Ex now 😄😄

TedMullins · 09/10/2023 23:16

FetchezLaVache · 09/10/2023 23:11

You should be doing all that for yourself, not for him! If you like being groomed, smelling lovely and looking great, carry on. Your husband might not care that your toenails look perfect though, he might just love you for who you are rather than how immaculate you are looking. Or does he not notice you in other ways too?

Agree with this. Do YOU care about these things? If they make you feel good crack on but don’t do it for someone else. Does he care what colour your nails are? I don’t shave any body hair, never wear makeup or nail varnish and my partner frequently tells me I’m beautiful and sexy, because I’m just being myself and that’s what he’s attracted to.

Original poster
Donkeyrides · 09/10/2023 23:27

I guess also I'm a bit miffed that I do all this yet: he comes to bed without brushing his teeth. He farts v v loudly, almost like he's proud of it. He occasionally will eat cakes & crisps in bed. No intimate washing before sex. Eats anything and everything. Couldn't care about his weight/ health

OP posts:
Guesswho88 · 09/10/2023 23:29

Donkeyrides · 09/10/2023 23:27

I guess also I'm a bit miffed that I do all this yet: he comes to bed without brushing his teeth. He farts v v loudly, almost like he's proud of it. He occasionally will eat cakes & crisps in bed. No intimate washing before sex. Eats anything and everything. Couldn't care about his weight/ health

Yikes! I feel bad for you. There's no excuse for poor hygiene.

Festivfrenzy · 09/10/2023 23:31

Wow that is really rude disgusting unattractive behaviour!! Do you say anything to him about it? That would mean sofa/spare room in our house!

thatwassociopathic · 09/10/2023 23:32

Donkeyrides · 09/10/2023 23:27

I guess also I'm a bit miffed that I do all this yet: he comes to bed without brushing his teeth. He farts v v loudly, almost like he's proud of it. He occasionally will eat cakes & crisps in bed. No intimate washing before sex. Eats anything and everything. Couldn't care about his weight/ health

He's clearly taking you for granted and frankly, to me, sounds repulsive. I'm surprised you even want to try. Sorry he's so crap you sound an amazing wife

Specso · 09/10/2023 23:36

Yeah he doesn’t care.

I’d stop making the effort, make it clear why and tell him you’ve had enough and if it doesn’t change you’re leaving.

Then if there’s no improvement actually leave.

FetchezLaVache · 09/10/2023 23:37

Donkeyrides · 09/10/2023 23:27

I guess also I'm a bit miffed that I do all this yet: he comes to bed without brushing his teeth. He farts v v loudly, almost like he's proud of it. He occasionally will eat cakes & crisps in bed. No intimate washing before sex. Eats anything and everything. Couldn't care about his weight/ health

OMG, YABVU for wanting intimacy with him! Apart from the pre-coital washing of the bits. Is that something you expect? DH is v. fastidious about his personal hygiene and therefore has no need to give his undercarriage a quick rinse before we get to it. Is your DH a bit of a soap dodger?

MK19590 · 09/10/2023 23:38

Ew, is this the best you can do for yourself?

Landmary · 09/10/2023 23:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

pastypirate · 09/10/2023 23:40

Pre coital washing of bits needs a thread if it's own...

Original poster
Donkeyrides · 09/10/2023 23:43

@thatwassociopathic ty. I had a little cry on your comment re amazing wife. I am an amazing wife - and I never blow my own trumpet. He does take me for granted. He's currently asleep drunk next to me after a night out with friends. There's a packet of crisps on his bedside table and a cake wrapper. He's just used the loo - could barely make it - and will have no doubt peed half of it on the floor, he usually does and did earlier. His wardrobe is a floordrobe. I don't usually rate myself looks wise but I will say I look stunning when we go out. He never says so though but might do if pushed to comment by me. Just feeling a bit miffed tonight

OP posts:
Guesswho88 · 09/10/2023 23:44

Donkeyrides · 09/10/2023 23:43

@thatwassociopathic ty. I had a little cry on your comment re amazing wife. I am an amazing wife - and I never blow my own trumpet. He does take me for granted. He's currently asleep drunk next to me after a night out with friends. There's a packet of crisps on his bedside table and a cake wrapper. He's just used the loo - could barely make it - and will have no doubt peed half of it on the floor, he usually does and did earlier. His wardrobe is a floordrobe. I don't usually rate myself looks wise but I will say I look stunning when we go out. He never says so though but might do if pushed to comment by me. Just feeling a bit miffed tonight

😭😭😭

Original poster
Donkeyrides · 09/10/2023 23:44

@MK19590 I'm starting to wonder...

OP posts:
LightSpeeds · 09/10/2023 23:47

Donkeyrides · 09/10/2023 23:43

@thatwassociopathic ty. I had a little cry on your comment re amazing wife. I am an amazing wife - and I never blow my own trumpet. He does take me for granted. He's currently asleep drunk next to me after a night out with friends. There's a packet of crisps on his bedside table and a cake wrapper. He's just used the loo - could barely make it - and will have no doubt peed half of it on the floor, he usually does and did earlier. His wardrobe is a floordrobe. I don't usually rate myself looks wise but I will say I look stunning when we go out. He never says so though but might do if pushed to comment by me. Just feeling a bit miffed tonight

Just why are you wasting your precious life with him?

Teaseall · 10/10/2023 00:01

Miffed!?!
I'd be more than miffed.
Why are you accepting this level of disdain? There's no problem with your level of self care if you are doing it because it makes YOU feel happy but blimey it sounds like you need to have a serious think about what you want from your relationship.

Maze76 · 10/10/2023 15:47

You deserve better

Pinkbonbon · 10/10/2023 16:17

Life's too short!
You're wasted on him.

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