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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He will only have sex after drinking?

3 replies

WhiteVinnie · 09/10/2023 20:57

Can I just say, I realise what people find attractive is very subjective and I personally do prefer his type of someone who is more on the shy side, is sensitive and sweet, etc. and that’s literally him. He’s seriously so lovely, such a nice person and really does care. We both are quite anxious people who have insecurities but we really bounce off each other and we just love each others company. Issue is, he’s quite a nervous person and feels awkward quite quickly but this has now stopped with our dates etc and he is so comfortable with those now and so am I, it’s genuinely lovely and we can just talk for hours on end. We were honestly in a restaurant for lunch all the way until it closed just talking! 😳

anyway, we first got intimate the first time he came to mine and we drank, it was honestly cutely awkward and we both had a good time. I wouldn’t say either of us were out of it drunk, we were literally just drunk and had no cares in the world. I tried engaging the next morning and he was very embarrassed and was saying how he can’t and I was a bit surprised and asked if he regret last night and he was adamant he didn’t but he gets nervous unless he has had alcohol. We have slept together a few times since but it’s always after there’s been some kind of drinks involved. I don’t mind too much as it took a while for him to really relax even on the dates. I’m just a bit worried if this is a major concern? Obviously I get it may sound so obviously concerning and I’m just not realising but is it really? I don’t think I can honestly ask anyone I know irl about this.

now I all of a sudden feel maybe I’m taking advantage!? But think that’s me being paranoid, as if we are both rather tipsy, I can’t see how I would be… but when I know he’s basically rejecting it sober, maybe it is 😳

I don’t know, just some outside thoughts would be great considering I just keep going around my head with it

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 10/10/2023 06:25

It all feels a bit awkward. Clearly he is looking to alcohol for support. Can you both take a day off and arrange to go out for the day? Ask him to come round first and maybe (as it’s morning) have sex before you go out? That could be the ice breaker you need.

TheCatterall · 10/10/2023 06:36

Long term using alcohol isn’t really a viable solution is it?

@WhiteVinnie how long have you been dating? Because at some point a conversation needs having which he will probably find awkward and that in itself to me would be telling for the longevity of your relationship.

DustyLee123 · 10/10/2023 07:25

Using alcohol as a crutch to have sex isn’t someone I’d want to get involved with in the long term.
He could do with some counselling to find out why.

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