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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he not into me?

17 replies

Galinterrupt · 09/10/2023 20:21

We have been together a year and I own a house. We are 29 (DP) and 32 (me).

DP has come into some money and would like to buy his own house. He has said that if things continues as they are, we get married and commit, then we can both sell our properties and buy one together.

He feels it’s too early to buy together and would like to have the stability of owning something while we continue to be together. He is happy for us both to live there.

I feel like what’s the harm in waiting and buying together? Is he trying to tell me something???

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2023 20:22

He's just being sensible. It's been ONE year!

return2sender · 09/10/2023 20:22

He's got his head screwed on.

Redlarge · 09/10/2023 20:24

Rent yours out and give him a contribution if the figures weigh up. That way you both have safety nets. Doesnt have to stay this way. Revisit in a year. Honestly you will be thankful for the security and i hope you dont need it and wish you all the best. Exciting xxx

Honeyroar · 09/10/2023 20:27

I agree with him.

category12 · 09/10/2023 20:29

Seems a bit of an unfair expectation for him to hold off on buying a house until the point you're both ready to buy together.

I suppose it depends on your timescales.

Want2breakfree · 09/10/2023 20:34

I would say he's definitely not ready to commit to you in any way at the moment. But that doesn't mean he won't in the future. I guess given your age you are probably feeling the need for some commitment and to look ahead to a future. He's obviously not feeling that pressure as he's a bit younger. It looks like you're not going to get it from him any time soon so if it's important to you, you may want to think seriously about this relationship.

Watchkeys · 09/10/2023 20:37

I think the concern is that you're asking on a forum, rather than asking him.

What stops you asking him? If your relationship is still in the realms of working out if he's 'into you', you must be able to see that you're not ready to invest in property together?

lolomoon · 09/10/2023 20:38

Sounds really sensible in my opinion. And definitely isn't to say that he's 'trying to tell you something'.
All the best for your future!

EmmaEmerald · 09/10/2023 21:49

Sounds very wise, it's only been a year.

Wavessea · 10/10/2023 00:27

If you do move in with him DO NOT pay his mortgage for him.
you get yourself on the mortgage

ExtinguishTheLight · 10/10/2023 01:58

He sounds very sensible. I don't think you should take this personally. I'd do exactly the same if I'd only been dating someone for a year.

As he says, you can always sell and find a house together.

Millybob · 10/10/2023 02:09

He's right, far too soon to buy together.
But has he been living at yours until he came into this windfall? In which case, I hope you charged him the market rent.

cassiatwenty · 10/10/2023 02:10

Sensible.

Moonshine5 · 10/10/2023 02:24

He's not that into you.

momonpurpose · 10/10/2023 02:34

arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2023 20:22

He's just being sensible. It's been ONE year!

This absolutely! He'd be crazy to not buy himself a house. It's been a year that is nothing

NutellaNut · 10/10/2023 06:00

He’s being very sensible. A friend’s daughter bought a house with her boyfriend of one year and now just one year on they are splitting up and trying to sell it for a loss, plus early mortgage redemption fees. Everyone thought they were rushing it by buying together so soon and sadly they were proved right.

GreyCarpet · 10/10/2023 06:56

Sounds very sensible to me.

It's not all about you. He doesn't want to buy a house because he doesn't see a future with you but because he is also an individual who wants his own security.

For all he knows, you could end the relationship tomorrow. A year isn't very long at all and I wouldn't be considering buying with someone after such a short time either.

I'd also do the same in his shoes.

What did you want him to do?

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