What happened??

[Nonametothinkof]

My bf (ex bf??) Of 2 years called me some unpleasant words about something he knows I'm insecure about. I told him not to talk to me like that and to have a few days space. We've spent the last 2 weeks texting with him denying he called me anything and I started all of this by lashing out and he was only concerned to which I said it doesn't justify calling me nasty names as if there's a concern just tell me. He then started being sweet saying I was lovely and he can't wait to see me. I explained I wasn't happy with the name calling and I wanted an explanation. He said he'd respond but his uncle had a fall and was in hospital and he hoped I was OK and that he missed me. I left him alone then got a text from him saying he's won and then blocked?? It isn't first time he targets insecurities or block either.

What happened is that you were in a relationship with a total wanker.

He's done you a favour by blocking you. Delete every trace of him from your phone, SM, never be in touch with him again and move on with your life.

He's playing mind-games with you. Sounds like these kind of dramas with him are not unusual?

Call his bluff, block him right back on every platform and forget him. Don't get sucked back in.

Don’t even give him any head space.
The trash took itself out!!

Wow, he's a mind games playing head fuck isn't he.
Distract yourself however you need to buy whatever you do, don't get in touch or reply to him again.
No happy relationship can be had with someone who thinks/behaves like this.

@Dacadactyl 👌

He’s an official “head fuck”. You definitely don’t need or want one of those. Block, delete and move on!

Oh but don’t be surprised if he pops back up in future claiming you were the unreasonable one who caused this and he is terribly hurt (speaking from painful experience!)

Well predicted @SpringleDingle I've already been told again he did nothing and I started it (I told him not to call me names and I didn't want to talk for a few days). He's also using other things I told him in confidence against me (I had an argument with my son's father a month ago about contact and he's saying ts a theme I argue with people?).

He's a grown man!? From the description of his reactions I was thinking much younger... No self awareness, no ability to reflect or take responsibility for his part, defensive, blaming instead of discussing... Urgh.
Was your hands of him, you'd be better above than someone who won't be a decent adult life partner without some serious changes. You don't need a project!

He is deliberately messing with your head. That is what abusers do. Women who don't live with their abusers have the ability to block/delete across all platforms and walk away.

Walk away. Do not communicate anymore.

I've had this for most of the relationship. Can anyone help me find a way to leave safely? Not seen him in 4 weeks as he's 200 miles away. Should I tell him I'm leaving? Womens aid said I can't say he's pestering me if I don't tell him I want no communication. I've tried leaving so many times before.

He's 200 miles away so how are you unsafe? Does he live that far away or is he away for work? Do you live together?
You should definitely tell him it's over because then if he continues to harass you you'll be able to report it to the police. Best option is to block him if he does that though.

I've tried leaving so many times before.

Can you pinpoint where this is going wrong? Leaving an abuser happens in phases and it can take a long time to be out of their grip. At what phase are you getting sucked back in?

Honestly I think because he uses my anxiety against me says I'm making it up, how he's done so many good things and I'm the bad one. I've had counselling because I believed it was me and counsellor said more she hears more worried she is. Previous exes have gone to the police as "he can't let go" (police officers words) and will urn up at their houses. So sometimes I think I've got it wrong, I'm worried he'll turn up when my son is home as he's only little. Part of it is misguided feelings but it feels so miserable.

He lives near me but visiting sick uncle.

So he doesn't live with you? What do you mean you can't leave then?

Send him one message telling him it is over, he is never to contact you again or you will call the police. Then block and delete across all social media etc. Do not answer any unknown calls, avoid speaking to him as that is where you go wrong.

If he has any belongings at yours tell him in the above message he can send a friend only on specific date/time and you box everything up ready. Dont let them into your house.

Previous exes have gone to the police as "he can't let go" (police officers words) and will urn up at their houses.
Since he is known to the police already i would contact them and explain what is happening, and they can tell you the best way to protect yourself. Follow their advice. And go back to counselling, you need more help.

Don’t even bother saying it’s over he’s blocked you so block him back on everything and continue with your life.

He’ll get the message when there’s no response or retaliation to his pathetic behaviour.

Ive wasted years on men like this who enjoy the toxic arguing and blocking/unblocking etc it’s pathetic and just waste of time.

This relationship is over, move on and find better.

End it. In clear this is done don't contact me again language.
Tell everyone you know (and the police) you have ended it but he has form for manipulating and not taking no for an answer.
Get someone to stay with you if you can... Just do whatever it takes - it's not you! None of the behaviour you describe of his is what a grown reasonable man would do/say. I know this cos I know plenty of them. He's a child and a nasty child at that.
If you don't live together and you still can't end it, the problem is (mostly) psychological.

“Not seen him in 4 weeks as he's 200 miles away. Should I tell him I'm leaving? ”

Yes. Just let him know you’ve had chance to think about what he’s said and, on reflection, you don’t think the relationship is working any more for you so you’re calling it a day. Wish him well for the future. And then get on with your life.

If he responds let him know that it’s pointless getting into a discussion about it because it always ends in arguments and accusations which is a clear sign the relationship has run its course.

The snarky bitch in me would thank him for helping me recognise that. But that is antagonistic and probably not a wise thing to say!

Previous exes have gone to the police as "he can't let go" (police officers words) and will urn up at their houses.

You need to tell him it's over, now, while he's away. Then end communication.

You can speak to the police on a non-emergency number and let them know you have ended the relationship and you're worried about what he may do. And if he does turn up at your house, you don't answer the door to him whatever he says or does and call the police. If he has a key, change your locks, and consider getting a chain or other extra security measures like a ring doorbell etc.

There are some red flags you can work around, and others like these (plural) where you simply have to say enough is enough.

This is a relationship that should have ended loooooong ago.