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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Grandparents who can’t get on

1 reply

survivor9 · 09/10/2023 16:47

my parents are from different cultures (mother Hispanic father Arabic and he’s 14y older ) and ever since arriving in U.K. in the 90s they have fought constantly accusing each other of infedelity.
my mother never developed her career and has suffered a lot of emotional abuse and would be told to close the blinds in the conservatory so that male neighbours wouldn’t see her. Or he’d insult her family with name calling.
her own father left the family when she was 16 and she met my dad around age 19-20 and had me at 22.
she then spent 2 years in USA after her mother passing and she’s been unable to get over it wailing constantly even recently. I don’t have evidence of who’s cheated.

my father is irritated by my mothers loud voice (she doesn’t want a hearing test) and when we go out people do stare at our table as she talks loud as she thinks people can’t hear her. She picks on everything he does (even if he wants to clean the carpet) which upsets him. He has diabetes and his numbers have gone up since she came back to the U.K. last December.

today he sent her a video about women that don’t listen and she’s upset about it.

it’s affecting me and my brother today as we are adults now. We’re supposed to be planning a family holiday and now my dad doesn’t want to come with us.

OP posts:
AprilMayBeJune · 10/10/2023 06:39

They sound as if they would be happier if they separated, they are very unhappily married. Are you able support your mother to leave your abusive father? Although, she sounds as if she gives as good as she gets if they are arguing and she is constantly nitpicking at him.
It’s probably best if he doesn’t go on the holiday tbh, gives them both some space from each other. You don’t say they’re ages but they deserve to live the remainder of their lives with some peace and happiness. They are your parents but wouldn’t you rather they were apart and happy, than together and miserable?

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