Am I overreacting ?

[DustyLee123]

So I’ve not been happy for a couple of years, we live like housemates, and I know I don’t need a reason to end it. But would I be overreacting if I ended it because he drinks a bottle of wine every day and doesn’t get up until 10am every day(retired) ?

No.

If he stopped drinking and got up at 8am would you be happy?

If not, you are being unreasonable to use that as the reason for ending it.

However, you would be totally reasonable to end it because you are unhappy. That's all the reason you need.

It makes me feel very resentful, along with the white lies he tells. I don’t think anything can make that go away.

I think of every relation ship as a balance between pull and push.

Theres the stuff the pulls you together. Same sense of humour and values, shared history etc.

Then there’s the stuff that pushes you away, the lack of respect, laziness, lies.

One day you realise that the push is the dominant feeling.

Also ask yourself if he treats you as his equal? Do you feel that he thinks you are his equal?

I don’t see us as not being equals. But I think you’re right when you say that the push is the dominant feeling. He’s happy to sit around all day and watch TV, whereas I want to go out for coffee/go to the gym/climb a hill.
If he disappeared I’d be happy.

In answer to your question no.

What really is the point of you two being together now?.

I would be wondering of you why you are still with him given how dependent on alcohol he is becoming. What is the longest period of time has he gone without alcohol?.

He is unlikely to disappear. You have a choice re this man; stay or leave. Those are your only options. And besides which you only need to give your own self permission to leave.

He came off it for several months when he was ill, but that was years ago.
Recently he had one night off, I think he was embarrassed as we had people staying who don’t drink.
He always sticks to the one bottle, except at Xmas when he buys one bottle of gin. It pisses me off every night when I hear him get the glass out and open the bottle. But it’s his life and that’s how he wants to live. The kids (adult) don’t seem bothered by it, but they’ve got their own lives.

I don't think drinking wine at night and getting up at 10 am, especially if he is retired is an issue in itself, unless his drinking is causing further issues. So i think yabu to end it purely on that. You say you both live like housemates and have been unhappy for years and you sound like very different people, you being more active and him relaxing. There is clearly deeper issues and personality clashes

How often do you see your now adult children?. Are they aware that dad still drinks every day?. I would imagine they are all too aware of his drinking as are you.

Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your days; being pissed off each evening when the bottle is opened?. I would consider attending Al-anon meetings or at the very least contact them by phone. They are very helpful to those affected by another person's drinking.