Sleepovers with female friends

[ThirdDressStress]

My fiance has three female friends, not as a group, three women he knows separately. Two of these friends I have met plenty of times and really like. The third I haven't yet met and from what I have heard I don't particularly like her.

She has form for cheating on her ex husband lots of times and now she is in another relationship but always asking her ex husband to get back together with her.

My Fiancé has his stag do in a couple of weeks and has invited this woman to stay over at his that night. (we don't live together, we split our time between both our homes whilst we look for something we want to buy together).

If this was either of his other female friends I literally wouldn't bat an eyelid but I have never met this woman. Plus she has previously (before he met me) invited him to a sex club with her and her ex husband.

I feel bad for saying I am not comfortable with this sleep over but am I being unreasonable? She had proven she has the morals of an alleycat and even if I trust DP to decline any advances, I wouldn't like him to be in that situation in the first place if she offered him one last fling or whatever.

Like I say the other two friends would be fine, no problem, trust them completely, I feel I might be being unreasonable to be prejudice about this situation?

YABU she sounds grim I'd also wonder why hes invited her to stay over, I think that's a step too far but most importantly you are not comfortable with it, you can't expect him to change though so perhaps you too different to be in a relationship.

Yanbu I meant

He invited her to stay over as she doesn't live locally, he said he didn't think anything of it as I wouldn't mind the other two female friends staying over and he doesn't see her any differently. I suppose that's why I am second guessing myself.

Absolutely not - why would he even suggest this. Imagine the situation were reversed?

YANBU at all. No premier Inns or the like nearby?

Is it just her staying? If there are other staying as well then it’s not as bad but just her - no way.

How would he feel if boot was on other foot?

It would be just her staying yes.

I did say he wouldn't be happy if I had an unknown male friend stay over but I don't have any close male friends so he said it's not comparable.

I don't like the sound of this. Is there a reason you don't know this friend as well, it's almost like he's keeping it that way for a reason.. I do worry there is more to this tbh. I'd be saying 110% no way if it was
me.

He has only met up with her three times whilst we have been together and it was short notice so I was busy. I think because she's not local there just hasn't been the oppurtunity.

I don't think it's a plan to cheat or anything, he's just thinking of her the same as the two other female friends. Maybe I am naïve.

I just don't think he should put himself in that situation and it's unfair to expect me to be happy about it.

My DP has a female friend who has crashed at ours many a time after they’ve been out at the pub as we live far from any stations and taxis are virtually non-existent (I was away on holiday the last time she stayed and he sent me a photo of her fast asleep on the sofa covered in cats ), I have no problem with this as I trust that he would never cheat on me and that she would never try anything either as we are friends. She’s also not his type and he is not hers. I would, however, have a problem if she was anything like your DP’s friend and if there was any history between them.

Come on Op. Don’t be so naive.

She’s sexually interested in him, hence the invitation to a sex club. And they’re both comfortable with that. He’s ok with that.

Theres really no reason for this juvenile sleepover with a woman who is sexually interested in him. And he’s doing it anyway despite the fact he wouldn’t like it if you did it. He’s a hypocrite.

Honestly I would cancel the wedding.

I thought everyone would say - you should trust your partner, I am glad to see others would be uncomfortable with it.

I have told him how I feel so I will see what he does next. Ball is in his court so to speak. He said he will cancel and tell her to get a hotel, he just didn't think of her as any different to his other friends but whether he does or not remains to be seen.

Big fat nope...

Where did he meet her, when, any history?

Why is she the only one staying over?

Nah get your boundaries in place before the wedding

Go with your gut feeling. In the house together, drunk, shes got form for this….what could go wrong… 😑

I don't think I would be okay with it if I were in your shoes. If I was him I wouldn't expect you to be okay with it either, just wouldn't even entertain the idea.

I don't agree with cheating and wouldn't act on any advances but that I think takes a lot of will power for most. That and I don't drink and assuming in this case he's likely to be drinking a lot and we all know what affect drink has should she advance in any way.

That would be my main concern, plying with drink.

Staying over wouldn't bother me, but it would make me think twice if someone I was about to marry had a friend of either sex I considered really awful.

Can't she stay with one of the other two girls

The girls don't know each other, they are all his friends separately.

I will ask him tonight if he has sorted it.