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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Sanity check

17 replies

whereismymind1 · 09/10/2023 09:27

I hope not an uncommon story.

I'm (M) around 39, she is 37. Three kids 3-8 yo. No support from relatives - whatever kids do we are always around.

Sex being bleak for the last several years, something more mechanical and quickie once per 2 months. Wife almost never initiates, it's just her approach that it should come from men.
I'm more an evening person, she is a morning one. In the evenings we are very exhausted, she only wants to sleep. The youngest wakes up around 6am.

If a miracle happened and we could have a get away without kids for a night I would rather sit in a forest in a silence than trying to have a romantic evening..

But I still need sex and doing solo helps but it can't be just it? So I've been thinking about getting a paid service. I don't need a date or an affair but rather someone asking what I want and showing a passion, even a fake one.
We have had a chat on that, more in a joking way rather than being serious, she said she is okay with that given I do not leave the family.

Just wondering if anyone went through something similar? Does it make me an animal thinking only about sex and not caring about wife and the challenges she is going through?

OP posts:

Daffodil18 · 09/10/2023 13:06

I take it your children go to nursery/school? Could you not take a day off work and spend the day together just the two of you. I wouldn’t go through with a paid for service unless your DW has definitely given the go ahead because she might have thought you were joking.

RowenaEllis · 09/10/2023 13:08

You're planning to pay a woman to use her body for sex behind your wife's back?!
I don't think many people on here will have done that, no. Many will have been the wife for sure.

RowenaEllis · 09/10/2023 13:09

Wait - I've read your OP properly. Even if she consents are you really ok with financially coercing a woman into consenting to sex with you? Why not negotiate an open relationship where you can seek mutually consenting casual sexual relationships outside the marriage?

OurChristmasMiracle · 09/10/2023 13:14

As a woman I would be leaving you- not for having sex with someone else but for using a sex worker to do so- someone vulnerable and you coercing another woman into having sex with you. I would also question whether you saying this was a way of coercing me into having sex with you so you don’t go off and use a sex worker

WeakAsIAm · 09/10/2023 13:17

Wow is it half-term already?

Nice try buttercup now go and play outside and behave yourself

arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2023 13:18

Why don't you get divorced?
Rather than exploit and abuse vulnerable women, insult your wife, and stay with someone where you're both miserable?

Mummaaaaah · 09/10/2023 13:22

she might say shes ok with it but i doubt she is

cocksstrideintheevening · 09/10/2023 13:45

Oh fuck off, you won't die without sex.

Hermittrismegistus · 09/10/2023 13:53

Vile.

BethDuttonsTwin · 09/10/2023 14:21

And you thought "I know! The Mummies on MN are the ones to run this by!"

MyElasticEye · 09/10/2023 14:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

whereismymind1 · 09/10/2023 15:58

Wow I was not expecting my post to be interpreted as "to fck or not to fck".

Still valuable, made me thinking.

OP posts:

ThisIsaNiceDress · 10/10/2023 18:32

You asked in the wrong place. What sort of responses did you expect? Your wife is unreasonable. You need a solution. You don’t need to live like this. Sex is important.

Traumaonline · 10/10/2023 20:16

If a miracle happened and we could have a get away without kids for a night I would rather sit in a forest in a silence than trying to have a romantic evening..

how lovely

you sound absolutely hideous

Farmersswife · 10/10/2023 20:26

I am a wife of a man in a similar position.

I am just not that into sex. My DH is a kind & caring loving man and we both want our marriage to work. Men need sex i understand that we rarely have sex I’m just not that into it. I used to be but 5yrs later & 2 kids I’m just to tired.

my husband has paid for sex, they are not vulnerable young girls by any stretch of the imagination! In fact they cost quite a bit!!

my DH goes every couple of months & I’m okay with that he gets what he needs & still have the husband I want. We still have sex but I understand men need that.

I think some of the comments are pretty downgraded.

having a open & honest chat with your wife is probably the best place to start.
people really need to be less judgmental

Jonisaysitbest · 10/10/2023 20:29

Is this real??

category12 · 10/10/2023 20:51

Do prostitutes feign passion? I feel like it would probably just be the mechanical sex you disparage. And you would know any "passion" was fake so is it really going to give you want you want?

If your wife has challenges, what are you doing to make life easier for her?
Why would you rather sit in a forest on your own than have a romantic evening with her?

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