AIBU partner weight gain

[iLoveFood94]

Hi..

I had a baby 8months ago but since I got pregnant my partner is piling the weight on and still now. He knows he is overweight and says how he doesn't like it so is going to do something about it but never does. He will eat dinner and then eat so much junk food straight after.

I LOVE him so much, always have and always will but lately I look at him and his body disgusts me. I feel awful saying and even thinking this but I just can't help it. I love a man with abit of a build but this is too far. Sex is uncomfortable too which makes me not want it and he asks me why I don't initiate sex anymore but I don't have the heart to tell him. He gets out of breath SO easy even from just talking and he's always saying he's hot or sweating and to me this is so unattractive.

For reference, I'm a UK size 12 atm (was 8/10 before baby) and he's a XXL

I just want to to know what I should do? How I should approach it? And AIBU?

Thanks in advance

Focus on HEALTH not the fact he’s a chubba

i worry for your health
I worry for the future
I worry about (insert male health problem )
I worry you are not exercising any you get out of breath easily

no one I repeat no one wants to hear this
its always going to sting

but it’s needs discussing

I think you need to stop hiding the fact that his appearance is becoming unattractive to you. You should tell this to him, gently of course, because as long as he perceives no pushback from you then he is going to keep growing.

Honestly. I couldn't live like this. Time for some tough love and to be honest with him

It might be relevant that this started when you became pregnant.

You should tell him gently how you feel. What happens after that is up to him.

You say you’ve gone from a size 8-10 to a 12, so one or two sizes up, how many sizes has he gone up? How will you feel if he says the same about you? Could you perhaps approach it as you both trying to lose the baby weight? Make it more jokey and something you both need to do rather than just him? I think it’s so difficult to talk about weight isn’t it?! It sounds like something you do need to bite the bullet with if you’re going off him sexually.

I actually had a guy end it with me when I went from a size 10 to a size 12/14 overs A couple of years. He said that he no longer found me attractive with the extra weight. I understood that a relationship needs sexual attraction but it did really hurt and no it didn’t motivate me to lose weight!

Be honest with him. Tactfully but clear. You can focus on health if you want but I see nothing wrong with explaining how it's affecting how attracted to him you are.

I think if someone isn't obese when you get together and they put on more than a little weight then that's not fair. My ex was actually obese when we got together so I accepted that but the constantly talking about needing to loose weight planning to diet and exercise then eating a shit load of takeaway dropping food down himself in front of the tv made me find his weight repulsive where before I'd just accepted it.

These threads often go in circles. And if genders were reversed - women are always told - how dares he.

But in reality - its of course totally natural for the attraction to wane when one of the partners lets themselves go.

There is a difference between age related weight changes; or post baby weight gain.

But - sudden ballooning, disordered eating, etc - resulting in significant changes in maintaining daily life activities - are of course
difficult to live with. And no partner should be expected to be happy with their spouse going from being relatively healthy to panting and sweating just moving around the house.

And - despite what people want to be true - significant weight gain affects our sexual attractiveness.
So - there is no way to avoid being direct with your partner, OP. You can hide it all you want by evoking ‘health’ messaging - but he needs to wake up and face reality.

I would be honest with him.
This is far more then partner has got a bit overweight or a bit chubby (in which case I think it would be unkind) but is quite extreme. It's impacted his health. It's impacting your sex life. I would just outright tell him he needs to loose weight. Then I would facilitate that as best I could buy refusing to have junk food in the house etc.