Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Extended Family's constant jabs

2 replies

TiredofTheirCrap · 09/10/2023 08:07

Hi all,

First time posting, and hope I don't drip feed so will try to post everything here.

When I visit my extended family (aunt and uncle in their 60s, female cousins in their 30s) they occasionally make very weird jabs.

I have anxiety and OCD with regards to the safety of my immediate family (my parents, siblings and my siblings children). I ALWAYS worry too much about their health, safety and will often catastrophise when I know one of them are even slightly ill or there has been an accident.

I have zero concern about myself and I never worry when I am ill. I have no fear going into surgeries etc. When I am ill, I tend to prefer to be alone and am a non-communicative until I am well again.

Example 1:
My aunt and cousins are all struggling mentally with depression and have been medicated at some points in their lives for this. They each are very vocal when they go to the GP for check-ups, and often will self-diagnose with something more serious than what the illness actually turns out to be.

They will take hospital photos of poorly relatives, check themselves into hospital on FB, etc.

I never judge them for the oversharing on FB, and will often sympathise with them.

I have hereditary high cholesterol (had it all my life) and briefly mentioned needing a check-up as I've fallen behind on taking my statins, my older cousin laughed and said 'Ah you've always been a worrier, you don't have high cholesterol don't worry. The blood tests will come back fine."

They hadn't known previously that I've had high cholesterol all my life, so I told her as such. She laughed then didn't say anything.

They are also dismissive of my siblings ailments too. Including one of my siblings having emergency surgery to remove her near bursting appendix.

I find it so bizarre as we are all very supportive and understanding with them, and they are so dismissive of us.

A family friend who knows both of our families well said that he had noticed this for as long as he's known us all. He said he thought it was jealousy on my aunt and cousins part.

My uncle, and my cousins husbands aren't like this.

Example 2:
If I have good news of any sort, somehow, during the course of the day they will bring up times when I was less successful, or when I had a bad romantic relationship in the past, or how I used to lack in confidence as a kid.

I told them recently that I was really enjoying exercise, and walking, their response was "oh you hated running and walking when you were younger, remember how often you tripped over your own feet during school races."

Or if we're walking somewhere, I tend to walk beside whoever is the slowest person so that they're not walking alone, they will turn as say "come on, speed up TiredofTheirCrap, you've always walked so slow!"

And annoyingly I end up defending myself, and point out that I live in a city (they live in the suburbs), and walk full speed 24/7, so it is nice to take it slow when I visit them and that I wanted to keep Jo-Soap company.

I just find it so strange! They have all actually gotten better over the years, and I enjoy their company 99% of the time. It's just this 1% that really overshadows my good times with them.

Just wondering if anyone else has similar stories so that I don't feel so alone in my frustration?

OP posts:
Lovethatforyouhun · 09/10/2023 08:31

They sound toxic. Are you sure that your percentages on how they make you feel are correct? I would see them less.

TiredofTheirCrap · 09/10/2023 09:19

Lovethatforyouhun · 09/10/2023 08:31

They sound toxic. Are you sure that your percentages on how they make you feel are correct? I would see them less.

They are very thoughtful and caring in so many other ways.

Example: Surprising me with an early birthday celebration as they would miss my actual birthday. Collecting me and others from the airport when visiting no matter how late. Letting me stay after a bad breakup. Surprising me with my favourite dinner when I visit overnight. Lots of little and big thoughtful things like that.

It's the weird comments out of the blue that really throws me as most of the time they are so lovely.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page