Sexual abuse between siblings (young age)

[pucca]

A friend of mine has just found out her son (age 13) has been sexually abusing her daughter (age 10), this has been going on since approx Jan.

She rang up social services as she didn't really know what to do about it all or how to deal with it, they automaticly contacted the police, the son has been arrested and is now on bail for attempted rape. He is living with grandparents, as part of his bail conditions is he is not allowed to live in the same house.

My friend has 2 choices...

1. Give a statement and her daughter gives a statement too, this means the son would be on the sex offenders register for 12 months, but unsure of whether it would mean this would come up on a CRB check when he is an adult.So could be with him for the rest of his life.

2. Don't give statements and he gets a caution.

What would you do? any advice i can pass on to her? How would you deal with it all?

TIA

OMG - this is awful. What a horrible situation to be in.

I can't even imagine what I would do but I think at 13 this is kid needs help.

Having said that so will DD now.

It's difficult.

13 is still quite young, and, at an age where curiosity is at fever pitch. Yet old enough to know it's not right.

and 10 is old enough to know that it's not right, so her feelings on it should be taken into consideration.

i think the family need to sit down and discuss it, and decide what is best for the daughter, who is the one who needs protection most. Then, decide what is best for the son afterwards. I think they need to investigate what him being on the sex offenders register would involve as a juvenile.

They also all need counselling as a family and as individuals.

it is very possible to come through this, and go on to have a strong, supportive family life, but, as long as a great deal of understanding is given, and all parties are listened too adequately.

it's a tough one, that's for sure.

(sorry about the name - tis VVVQV)

I know Catzy...My friend of course is in a state, off work and on anti-depressants

She thinks this has been triggered with the fact that he has been learning about sex education in school,and she is blaming herself as she bought him a age appropriate book covering the facts.

Thanks vvvqv, i agree with all you have said, she is definately going down the counselling route for them all and already spoken to her GP about that.

I am getting concerned about my friend though as she has pretty much said she doesn't think the son can ever live with the family again

The police have also said, that if statements are not given, and the son moves back in and it happens again, and the police get involved again etc that all of their kids could be taken off them, so she is worrying about that too.

I think it is incredibly common for teenage boys to be curious. It's how well they appreciate the boundaries of their curiosity that is the problem. It's not your friend who has done wrong by buying him a book.

Although, maybe he needed more guidance than just from a book. Hindsight is a wonderful thing though, eh?

It is definately difficult, as no sex education at this age mentions that it is wrong if the other person is not consenting, yet he would have known it is wrong with his own sister.

The daughter asked her mum if dad makes mum do things she doesn't want to do, i.e she thinks thats how she was made type thing.

Didn't social services offer any counselling tips. Just go to the police?
Surely the boy needs as much care and attention as the DD and parents.
They must all the devastated and when he matures a bit and understands the enormity of what he did he will be scarred for life too.

How is DD? can she face her brother? Can they all sit together with a counsellor?
Can the grandparents keep him long term?
It's a very very difficult to comment on this not knowing anything about the family.

It's awfull. I really feel for this family.

OMG! How awful and upsetting for everyone involved.
I dont really have anything useful to say, except, that it probably was just a little bit of curiousity, however, saying that, if it has been going on since January, that is three months, and far too long just to be curious.
I would definately ring Social Services again. They must be able to offer some kind of direction for your friend to go in, other than just to go to the Police.

Did the son admit it?