A rough patch or simply incompatible

[Cultivator]

Will do my best to keep this concise.

Together five years, one 2YO DC, mortgaged, in our 30s.

I've been mulling over the future of our relationship these last few days and feel as though I've already subconsciously checked out. DP and I are complete opposites in almost every regard... introvert/extrovert, head/heart, empathic/insensitive, fun/serious, you get the jist. Somehow we used to work, but since becoming parents our differences are now conflicting rather than complimentary. There is a lot I struggle to tolerate now and I know he also holds some resentment for me too. We don't argue, we just live like housemates. He struggles with the lack of physicality (sex, not general intimacy), whereas I have little to no desire because the emotional connection feels dead. We have very little to talk about, the general atmosphere always feels a bit strained, we hardly ever laugh together or have fun.

I've spent a bit of time with DP's good friend lately (business related) and we just get on. No, I wouldn't go there and cause the absolute shitstorm that would generate, but the time spent with said friend just makes what lacks between DP and I even more staggeringly obvious.

Sure we could try relationship counselling, but I feel like it's not so much difficulties as it is fundamental differences that are the problem, and it's not reasonable to ask the other person to alter their personality to suit.

I don't really know what I'm hoping for other than maybe experience and perception, as I feel like I'm just negatively blindsided right now.

Honestly? Only you can know whether this is the end of the relationship or not, but from what you have written and if you're asking for opinions, then nothing here is insurmountable. You have a two year old - that is pretty hard work, and a bit of a mood killer. I suspect the thing you're finding with DP's friend is the lightheartedness that goes with no responsibilities and the allure of that. If you were married to the friend and had a 2yo with him, your DP would look like sex on legs and a lighthearted relief.

I can tell you that I felt like this when I had a 2yo and I got through it, and DP and I are stronger than ever. But I don't know whether your circs are the same as mine or not from your post.

You’re not going to want sex with no connection. I’d give it 6 months of doing stuff together, start dating again, and see how you feel.
But don’t get pregnant again, as that will trap you.

I can relate to this, asking myself similar questions. Have you figured it out yet? I think in many ways I have relatively low demands of life, I don’t expect much of a social life, I accept my SO doesn’t like talking much, I know compliments and enthusiam aren’t his thing, he’s a decent man but not demonstrative. Recently though it’s starting to feel like my very existence is a source of resentment and irritation for him and I’m beginning to wonder if I would be better off not living with someone who seems to need me and like me so little. Just when I’ve come to terms with settling for neutral friendliness. I find I’m now having to deal with casual contempt and disinterest. He doesn’t like me, and he is kind of bringing me round to his way of thinking. It’s odd because I’ve always been a quite confident person but that’s changing, bit by bit.