How do I move on?

[Kerry231]

So I’ve been apart from my abusive ex for about a year. We were engaged and together for 6 years.

I went on my first date recently - the guy was lovely but there was just no spark. After I felt like I was catapulted back into the grief of not being with my ex.

He treated me appallingly and I still can’t believe he’s capable of the things he’s done and said to me. I honestly feel like I’m never going to meet anyone I can trust again - I feel scared and lonely.

Im 33 and having to start again is terrifying when I can’t even go on a date without missing him. Why do I still love and miss him?
why can’t I hold on to the anger of what he’s done ? I honestly feel the lowest I’ve ever felt and I’m not sure how I’m going to get through this

I'm so sorry I am in the same situation. My ex wasn't abusive but he left me for someone else. I am still not over it after 18 months and to scared to date. It's just the worst pain

Write a list of all the ways you are better off without them. There will be many when you start thinking about it. When you feel down look at the list.
Change their name in your phone to an insult. I like to rhyme it with their actual name and it helps me think of them in an unattractive light. This has helped me to stay firm and know I deserve better.
Think of what things you want to do just for you. Pamper and love yourself.
If you need to get rid of emotions I find singing along with some of Cher songs help me feel stronger and independent.
Takes time but you are definitely better single than with someone who doesn't appreciate you. It is there loss not yours.

Look up trauma bond

Thank you.

@wishingforhappy I'm sorry to hear you're going through it as well. It's such an emotional rollercoaster.

I'm suffering with anger all the time because he denies how he treated me and makes out like I started it all and that's why he retaliates. This isn't true.
At the same time I've got this overwhelming grief that makes me want to just disappear.

I don't think I can ever trust anyone ever again. I'm really struggling and I have no idea how to cope.

@Kerry231 honestly I wish I could help but I feel exactly the same like this is my life now stuck with this horrible feeling everyday & no one can understand why I don't just get over it

@wishingforhappy if you want to talk it through give me a message. I know we’re both feeling the same but if you need to vent let me know