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Original poster

Am I over thinking ?

12 replies

Samera676 · 08/10/2023 20:26

So basically my husband knows his female colleagues quite well, and they’re super pretty, and I can’t help but feel upset about it I’m really trying not to. But I just feel like he knows all their fav things and such, and they always confide in him, and he still assures me that nothings going on and he isn’t even close to him, but I don’t get how you can not be close but know their fav perfumes and fav lip sticks. I don’t have an issue if he is close if he’s sharing these things with me as his true confidant, but he keeps saying he’s not close to them at all and hardly talks to them, and apperntly knows these things from overhearing constant office chatter between the girls.
so to me it’s not making sense, and I’m questioning is there something more going on which is why he’s not telling me they’re close, or could it act be that they aren’t close and he knows through the office chat? I have never worked in and office so I’m not sure, I’ve said so many times I just want to be included and want you to share thing with me, but he appenrlt has nothing to share. Am I overthinking

OP posts:
category12 · 08/10/2023 20:31

It's perfectly possible he know all this from general office chat.

Is there a reason you don't you trust him?

Nobody's gonna make him cheat with talk of nail varnish etc unless he wants to cheat.

What sort of things do you want him to share with you?

Original poster
Samera676 · 08/10/2023 20:42

@category12 Well I am kind of an open book with him in the sense of I literally tell him what’s going on at work with family etc unless it’s obv something private,

whereas with him, he never really shares anything with me like even events planned with fam I find out sort of from others or on the day, what’s happening at work or the general gossip he never tells me I ask about it then get a response I would like for him to share with me himself,

I don’t really have any reason to not trust him tbh, all it was was that I seen a message on his phone where he knew a lot about his female colleague, and he always gives me
The impression that he doesn’t hardly talk to them and he act finds them annoying, so I was a bit taken back, and I explained to him I’m not gna be upset or jelaous so he has no reason to hide something so minuscule from me, so I feel like he’s hiding more then, but he keeps telling me that the girl that he know so much about talks about these things a lot, but then I mean I talk about stuff a lot but he don’t remember that lol , so am I Jusy over thinking it?

OP posts:
obje · 08/10/2023 23:15

Did you post a couple of weeks ago about this?

There was a post where someone's DH had got a text message asking for advice on what to buy a female colleague. The DH knew her favourite perfume and lipstick etc. which is why it sounds like the same post.

The OP was annoyed in that situation as the couple had an agreement that they weren't "allowed" to have friends of the opposite sex. They were "allowed" to converse with colleagues of the opposite sex about work, be polite etc but had agreed they shouldn't be "friends" or know too much about them, their personal lives/interests etc.

It all sounded a bit OTT and controlling IMO (and all the other replies said the same)

Original poster
Samera676 · 08/10/2023 23:51

@obje Yeah I did but I got attacked on that one, the thing is I genuinely don’t have an issue with him having these friends if he’s open with me about it it’s the hiding which makes me annoyed, and he has put this rule in place, which is probably why he’s hiding it from me so I don’t have friends maybe idk

OP posts:
crazyscottsmum · 08/10/2023 23:58

See I over think and analyse everything!!! So I get what u mean, but it's funny when it's not you, you can think clearly if that makes sense. I've worked in groups of ppl b4, and even forsay when I was at college in a group or class. You don't always need to be close with someone to know things. If he's working away and the lassies are all talking, it's funny what u hear and pick up on even if not close. And the fact he's saying he's not close to assure you seems Reasonable. If he's telling you he knows this stuff then he's not hiding it from you. Does he know ur fav stuff? It be different if he didn't but knew there's if u no what I mean. Xx

crazyscottsmum · 08/10/2023 23:59

Do you have guy pals? Does he bother with that? X

Original poster
Samera676 · 09/10/2023 00:41

@crazyscottsmum trust me over thinking is just the Bain of my life never get peace, I act am considering therapy tbh.
and I don’t think he’d know my fav scent in a perfume but he’s know sort of what I like and don’t like by smelling, I did act say that to him, and he said it’s because I don’t right out say these things whereas this colleague right our says she likes coconut perfume or whatever. And he didn’t tell me though I just seen the message on his phone, he is quite a closed person in general doesn’t think to share is what he says.
but obv as I said I don’t work in an office so idk how it is there I’m in the research field and it’s so diff. But I mean as you said if the girls r talking maybe he just picks up on it and god knows why remembers it lol.

I don’t really act have any guy friends tbh but he defo would not be ok with it xx

OP posts:
CallieQ · 09/10/2023 00:51

Bit weird for a man to be interested in perfume and lipstick

Original poster
Samera676 · 09/10/2023 01:04

@CallieQ he isn’t interested in it lol, he just gave advice on what to buy a colleague and names them as things she’d like

OP posts:
Basilton · 09/10/2023 01:16

Your rules about being friends with colleagues as mentioned by another poster, do sound controlling. But I have to say, I have worked in offices for thirty years and I couldn’t tell you the favourite perfume or lipstick of any colleague ever. Sorry, I think it sounds odd.

Californiabound · 09/10/2023 01:19

Tbf I have never met a man who would know any brand of lipstick, never mind a colleagues favourite brand. He sounds dodgy.

category12 · 09/10/2023 16:41

Samera676 · 09/10/2023 00:41

@crazyscottsmum trust me over thinking is just the Bain of my life never get peace, I act am considering therapy tbh.
and I don’t think he’d know my fav scent in a perfume but he’s know sort of what I like and don’t like by smelling, I did act say that to him, and he said it’s because I don’t right out say these things whereas this colleague right our says she likes coconut perfume or whatever. And he didn’t tell me though I just seen the message on his phone, he is quite a closed person in general doesn’t think to share is what he says.
but obv as I said I don’t work in an office so idk how it is there I’m in the research field and it’s so diff. But I mean as you said if the girls r talking maybe he just picks up on it and god knows why remembers it lol.

I don’t really act have any guy friends tbh but he defo would not be ok with it xx

Sounds massively unhealthy relationship if you both police who each other can be friends with.

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