Would you suggest a second date or wait for him to do it?

[Ginandglitter]

I went on a first date this weekend, he was nice but I couldn’t really work out if he was interested. He didn’t go in for a kiss or anything at the end- just a hug but then messaged 30 minutes later to check I’d got home okay and said he had a great time. He’s been messaging/chatting about normal stuff consistently in the few days since but no mention of a second date.

I was dating a guy earlier this year where I made an effort to initiate rather than wait for him to do it and it ended in disaster and some advice I got was not to chase and if he was interested he’d show it which I’m starting to think are words to live by as I don’t really want to suggest a second date with someone who is lukewarm at best!

My friends are very much divided on this subject so I thought I’d post on here! Would you initiate a second date or wait for a guy to do it?

No I wouldn’t personally

Oh difficult. I'd want someone showing an interest so I'd wait but I'm older and probably not as confident as someone younger to move in on what you want.

Do you want to see him?

I think if he was really shy then I would, but otherwise I wouldn't.

I did like him and I’d definitely have went on a second date if he’d suggested it.

I don’t think I want to see him again enough for me to suggest a second date though if that makes sense. I told him I really enjoyed our date so (I think) I’ve made it clear to him that I’m interested.

Thats what my friends say too but it’s hard to work out what’s shyness and what’s lack of interest (or just holding out for something better!). It did take him a few weeks to ask me out on a first date in fairness!

I would, I couldn’t be bothered with the messaging unless it was going to lead to another date. If he’s says no or is vague at least you know where you stand and haven’t wasted any more time on him.

I'd suggest a second and see how it went. If he's still vague after that I'd dump him.

I would and then gauge his reaction / see what happens. The quicker you get him through 'the system' the quicker you can move on! 😂

I tend to believe if someone's interested they would want to secure that second date and would ask. There's a difference between enjoying your company, liking you as a person so texting day to day stuff quite easily, to actually liking you romantically and wanting to take it further. This sounds like the former.

Either ask outright or be less responsive on text. You'll get your answer. Hope it's the one you want :)

Urgh, for heavens sake, if you want to go on a second date, just ask him. Personally I wouldn't have liked it if DH had swooped in for hugs and kisses on our first date. I'm not the sort of person who wants that, or more, on a first date. Perhaps he didn't want to come on too strong. I think it would be a shame to bin him off because you were waiting for him to make the next move.

Sounds like neither of you are that into each other

stop the desultory texting 💬
I mean what’s the point here
seeing if HE likes you ?

No, wait and see how motivated he is to go on a second date with you.
I did OLD for years and I fell in to the trap of thinking, if I want a second date, I'll just suggest it. And I often did. And what would happen was that it'd rumble forward for a few more dates til they dumped you/ghosted you.
Ask a man on the first date but not the second. That's my advice. Fwiw.

If he is still consistent in his communication, I’d respond to one of his texts with something along the lines of “I can’t wait to find out what you have planned for our next date. I’m free on (give 2 or 3 options)” and leave it in his court. This lets him know you’re still interested but also that he has to step up, finalise a day/time and plan something.

This sounds about right. When I dipped my toe in the dating pond it took quite a bit of effort for me to ask for a second date. She jumped at it although it didn;t work out in the end