Has anyone managed to come back from losing attraction?

[Rheyeheh]

Me and husband haven’t slept together for 2 years …we have young children however I think there’s more to it than that / more to do sexual incompatibility. I previously had the higher sex drive (and still do probably) however I now feel like I’ve lost attraction to my husband. I think partly as we’ve become parents and don’t have time to date etc…but also he’s put on a tonne of weight which I know sounds horrible but won’t do anything to change his diet or exercise either and seems just resigned to it now. He tried to kiss me for the first time in ages tonight and laid on top of me and pretty much crushed me, this was an issue I always had, during sex he would never hold his body up like men usually do he would let his entire weight go onto me and even when he was slim he’s a big 6”4 rugby build and I’m very petite. I tell him and he does it for a min then goes back to laying on top of me.

anyway tonight even the kissing I found myself really turned off. I just wanted it to end and felt like crying while it was happening. I don’t know why the hell you come back from that…we have just started marriage counselling.

anyone managed to come back from this?

I have met men who stick their full weight on at times. They get told pretty quick, it's never a good thing to do, not sure why they attempt it - I'm guessing maybe tired and being lazy at the time. If they know their onions, they don't do it.
Is his diet worse than it was or is it increased inactivity? Could you do days out hiking with DC, maybe gym sessions together instead of date nights?
If he's weighty to the degree of it affecting his health, perhaps you could address it from that angle.
Could you claim you'd like to get fit post baby and do some activities together maybe?

I am wondering this myself. We both suffered the middle age spread, but I had the child. I have worked hard, and lost the weight, actually wore the dress I wore to our civil wedding at our anniversary dinner this year.
Yeah, me.
He on the other hand is just getting heavier. Being honest, his body is not attractive. But I can still see him as he was when we started dating, and he was super fit!
But, I think he has the ick with me. I am the same size now, again, but, yeah, older.

For you, he sounds extremely selfish. Sex should be good for both participants. Squishing is not fun.

I hate to give sex advice, ick. And i am sure others will. Good luck. 😀

@Opentooffers i think it’s laziness / lack of fitness is the reason he does it but it just feels so awful. I try to go on top when we were using sex but just feel put off by the whole thing now…I’ve suggested he join a gym and said I’ll make sure I give him free time to go / watch the kids etc but he’s not bothered. He has expressed the fact he wants to lose weight and ironically gives his overweight family members a hard time about their weight due to health risks so maybe I do need to approach at that angle

@Unabletomitigate i can definitely relate as I’ve also lost all the weight and work hard to maintain it…I cook healthy meals for me and the kids, offer to husband and he just turns his nose up at it and makes himself a burger or sandwich. I think for him it’s his outlet as he doesn’t drink or smoke etc but I know it bothers him and it is getting to the point where it’ll be impacting his health too I think

I think the weight is one thing but it’s more his attitude around the weight / lack of willingness to make an effort to still maintain the marriage and look after himself

What is interesting is that lack of effort on your part is/would be neglect, of the marriage and your health and the kids. But lack of effort on his part, is fine, and an ok outlet for frustration. Ahem, no.

@Rheyeheh never mind the weight -literally rolling onto you and then off…. Nope.
why do you accept that?

I think a sit down about his health - because if he carries on this will impact his heart etc, about the relationship rapport/romance etc is needed.

what would it take for you to feel loved, romantic towards him and sexually gratified/turned on? Do you think he is or will be someone that can tick those boxes for you?

Got the ick with you because you're older? He doesn't sound like a nice person, I wouldn't want to be with him!

I don’t think coming back from 2 years without sex will be easy, particularly with that you describe.

Hmm 2 years is a really long time not to have sex. I'm not sure if that would be easy to come back from.

I would probably have an honest conversation with him, and nicely tell him that you found him more attractive when he was slimmer. I guess there's no nice way to say it but if you don't find him attractive when he's big, then you don't.