Feeling weird about friendship and could well be being unreasonable

[bemorebernard]

I have a friend who has recently started seeing a guy and dropped me , in favour of seeing the new bloke , as happens I guess but she relies on me a lot for help with her dd and general favours , babysitting, money when she runs out, that sort of thing

When we met we were both single and she's said a few dick things to me since this new relationship about my single status which I've brushed off as her being in a bit of a bubble and basking in it

She recently went away for 3 days and left her cat out the entire time even though I said I'd feed it, she didn't leave a key and just went which I suspect is because she ran out of food for it , tho I'd have got foods if she'd said

Her dd has just text me today they have a new kitten and will I go and see it after the bf has gone ( they've been seeing each other 4 weeks and she's introduced him to her dd today )

I'm inclined to say no , she always runs out of food for existing cat , so why she's got a kitten is beyond me .

I'm cross she left the existing cat out without food or shelter for 3 days and I do t trust myself not to say something. When I text her saying the cat was crying she blamed her 11 old dd for not coming to sort it but she is reliant of her dad for lifts if she stays there so hardly her fault at all plus her dd told me there was no food for the cat .

Her dd has pda and adhd , and isn't the easiest child to look after but she has a good relationship with me , I might just be out of sorts because her mums neglected our friendship in favour of the new fella here and I'm trying to tell myself to be the bigger person but I'm quite pissed off !

I don't want to ignore the little lass but I'm also an animal lover and I do t trust myself not to say something! I think it's madness to get another animal when you can't afford to feed the one you have .

I'm always doing favours for them , today on our neighbourhood what's app group someone told me my car has a flat , I'm not well at all at min and been off work 3 months , but had to go and try to pump tyres with a foot pump , when another neighbour came over and helped with one that plugs into lighter . I ve had to hire home help for cleaning etc while ill, friend is quick to ask me for help , but never offers anything back .

How do I navigate this . I'm feeling pretty pissed off and if I go round I'll end up saying something, it feels like a one way friendship lately . With digs thrown in about me being single (last one in our social circle to be single now so already feeling a bit out of it )
I don't think she should have got a second cat when she can't look after the first one.

Honestly she doesn't sound like a very good friend at all. I would take a step back from her and try not to get involved. I would be concerned about the cat situation too but if she is neglecting them, report her to the RSPCA.

They aren't neglected enough to report , I was just angry at the poor thing g being left out for 3 days and now the little one is all excited about this new kitten and texting me like wad to go see it

The new man has been there all afternoon so I fell like it's time to bro g on the sub. Feeling stupid I feel like that but I do . It sounds petty and jealous doesn't it ? She has t bothered with me for weeks other than to make digs at me still being single . But I don't want to hurt the little lass .

I totally get it, I've been there. I've had friends who have met guys so have very little time for me. Its to be expected, but good friends will still make time for you. It sounds like you are giving everything and she is giving back nothing. Friendships should be 2-way. I would take a step back from her.

I'd keep clear of them. If her dd contacts you be friendly but non-committal. I'd be tempted to ignore her a bit. Kids do like to contact people but you don't have to reply. The friend should be an ex friend. Just block her. She's a user.

I don't quite understand why your running about after her tbh sounds like your more her go to when she needs something and that ain't a friend

Little,one is texting me continuously , I've just said I've hurt my back pumping tyre up and I'll go see kitten when I can .

Feel awful but I know I'll lose my rag. Best to say nothing right now I think .

I didn't go round . For me if you have pets and can't look after them you don't get more

Next time she needs a babysitter when she's got an ill special needs
Child and working she can bollocks . I'm done being used .

Someone else can step in . The boyfriend maybe .

Take a step back!

This ! She's not your problem and nor is her cat your problem

You sound a nice friend so I'd suggest investing time with other friends who will give you more back. She just doesn't sound like she considers you a particularly good friend. Continue to brush off the DD , she is also not your problem to solve!

I am . Totally stepping back . Thank you .

What hurts is the flat tyre today where no one helped me in my circle , the ones who offered are not in my immediate circle .

She's not a friend at all. She's just a user. I feel for her daughter, but I wouldn't stay friends with that woman.

It's time for a cull, op. Remove all of these users from your life and cultivate real friendships with people who value you, not people who take advantage of you.

Yes it's time to cull . Agreed .

I think the little one is texting you because she wants to see you. Sounds like her mum is quite rubbish, so perhaps she needs you, for emotional connection?

I would just text the DD back something like "Sorry darling I'm a bit busy to come over, how nice to have a new kitten! Lucky you xx" and leave it at that. Mum sounds like a nightmare, I suspect this boyfriend won't last.

I don’t blame you at all OP, she is an entitled twat who shouldn’t have animals. Imagine getting a kitten when you can’t even look after the cat you have!