To ask or not to ask? That is the question!

[Welllookwhoitisxo]

I posted recently about my current partner and not being allowed to meet his LO. To keep it brief, we've been together for 20 months. We both have DC from previous relationships, and they're relatively close in age. He asked his ex last year if I could meet LO, all hell broke loose and it was a clear (and very distressing) no!

Since then, his ex has tried numerous times to instigate a split, lied, contacted me directly, got the police involved briefly etc. Due to all this we have never asked again. I have to say, I am not overjoyed by the thought of meeting said child, as I do worry about what will be said next however, for this relationship to continue, things need to move forward or end. It's absolutely nothing against the LO, as I'd love to get to know them, just the dread of what will happen next.

I've always tried my best to be very understanding and patient with the situation, kept most of my opinions and feelings to myself. The time has come though, where I'm sick of her coming first, and having to constantly consider the feelings of a woman who was so keen to destroy mine. Over the summer DP stated he would approach the subject again with her, but didn't. This meant we went the whole summer holidays only seeing each other 5 times, as I had my LO throughout, and he had his for a very large part.

So, my point of post; we've discussed doing things over Halloween with our LO's. Some things were getting booked quickly, so he stated I should go ahead and book for four of us. I have done this, and he has since not asked his ex. I haven't pushed him, but am aware time is ticking and would like to take my friend and her LO, if the answer is yet again no.

I feel I've been understanding enough, and I can't keep putting mine and my LO's life on hold, or changing and cancelling plans as I have done in the past, just to keep going around their situation. Do you think IABU if I state to him I need an answer by Wednesday, regarding his LO coming? I'd like to give my friend time to make sure she has money to come, and arrange things her side, as opposed to wait till the very last minute to get a very likely'no' from his ex, regarding his LO attending and then myself and LO going alone, or our friend being pushed for time to arrange things.

Thank you

When the LO is with your partner it is entirely up to him who the LO meets. It's up to his ex when she is with her LO. Your partner does not even have to mention to his ex who he has introduced LO too.

@caringcarer To some extent, after everything that has unfolded, I agree partly with this. I just wondered if I was coming off as too demanding, putting a timescale on things now.

He is deciding you can’t meet lo not her. Because unfortunately in many cases not necessarily yours the parent can do whatever they want in their time even if it’s a 2 week partner. He is deciding his ex’s feelings are more important than yours.

Also take things you haven’t personally seen which huge pinch of salt.

@OhmygodDont I have seen plenty personally. I've been targeted personally by this woman several times. This is what has made us so apprehensive to push the subject. She has also stopped contact previously, because she didn't want me to me LO.