Has anyone changed their sexuality and it scared the hell out of them?

[pleasestopfingfighting]

Frequent mumsnetter.

I dated men at university and slept with a few - I preferred touch and vaginal penetration didn’t do masses for me actually can hurt slightly is not really aroused.

Married a man who love bombed me at 30 and I was desperate for a baby. He had been divorced three times. Wanted a baby - I had several miscarriages and left him after he hit me. No children.
Had a brief relationship and got pregnant and had the baby alone.
Remarried and had another baby but it’s went wrong very very quickly - he was a 40 year old virgin and clearly had issues with any sort of sex, women, affection or anything and it wasn’t a nice separation.
Then had a long gap and carefully got involved with a man from my local church and everyone loved him - he had a difficult ex wife but after starting it three months later I found out it was all lies and he was indeed shagging his ex wife.
That was 7 years ago and I did three years with a therapists (childhood trauma etc).
I don’t want to be alone for ever - I just don’t. Equally terrified of my lovely little family having an abuser in.
For about the last 5 years I have thought about dating women. This isn’t an overnight decision. Most men I have been on dates with are just vile, selfish and I have a higher bar after therapy.

I find some women attractive and I’m turned on by the person - but I’m so terrified of doing this. I attracted to a friend of mine who is single and a virgin (religious) who had adopted for example. She isn’t into anyone (60) and very Christian so she is just my friend. Thinking of switching my bumble profile to women, so I did and now chatting to a few women on there.

However, I feel sick about it but I don’t know why. Is it just odd to change like this? What happens if it is a big disaster? What happens next? I don’t find male bits (!) attractive but like their strength.
Women can be abusive too and is it wrong to just date women as I’m confused.
I’m 50.

Did anyone do this (be kind to me please) and what happened?

i honestly think you need to spend time alone, and not potentially hurt other women who maybe unwittingly drawn into a relationship with you- as you clearly have an awful lot of emotional/psychological baggage and have drawn bad people towards you like a magnet.

You should work on yourself. Work on finding out what is good for you- not just trying out women because you’ve known a lot of crap men.
Make this about you. Work on you as a single person.

I’ve been on my own for 7 years and had therapy for 3 years so I’ve done the work.

I’ve dealt with my relationship history which was linked to an abusive father who I went NC with 3 years ago.

Take it one date by one date OP. Chances are, the first nice date you have (even if it doesn't lead to anything) will make you feel much more relaxed.

You experience attraction to women, so why shouldn't you explore that? Feel the fear and do it anyway!

You aren't changing your sexuality, rather you're just accepting that you have the potential to be attracted to women , deciding to be more open about that and opening the door to new opportunities and experiences.

Changing your OLD profile isn't a permanent decision. Give it a try, go on some dates but be clear with any women that you do go on to date more seriously that this is new territory for you.