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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need advice on how to manage

4 replies

Somemenareshit · 08/10/2023 08:31

Please could someone give me some advice on how to manage this because I honestly can’t cope anymore
background - with partner for 20 years 2 x children under 10. I work 30 hours around school, I have always done everything for the kids, school, homework, haircuts, doctors, extracurricular activities, friends, parties ect. He ended things in January and immediately got with another woman, though was still living in family home and sharing a bed (not intimate, as friends). I found out about other woman in May. I have since bought a house and moved out with the kids whilst he has stayed in our family home and she has moved in. Kids see him twice for the evening in the week and for one day and night on the weekend.

I need help with how to co parent with him effectively. He refuses to talk to me on the phone or in person even though I have asked for us to sort things out and move forward for the kids. He will only communicate via text and then will only answer what he wants. He won’t talk to any of his family so I can’t go through them. He insists that he makes decisions regarding the the kids with her not me. How am I supposed to parent and make decisions about the kids when he won’t talk to me? Somethings need a discussion and text is no good. He also won’t answer the phone when the kids are with him so that I can say goodnight to them.

Thank you, any advice would be appreciated

OP posts:
Hygeelady · 08/10/2023 08:33

Sounds like he's being unreasonable and not looking at the children's best interests. Could you go to mediation?

Channellingsophistication · 08/10/2023 08:40

this sounds so frustrating. Can you make the decisions without him since hes not interested?

Somemenareshit · 08/10/2023 08:50

That’s what I have been doing but then I get messages about how vile and manipulative I am and there’s only so much of that I can read.
we could go to meditation but I’m not sure what it will achieve.
I guess I’m just going to have to carry on as I have been and try to ignore the messages. I just feel like I’m failing my kids

OP posts:
Lostsoul2023 · 08/10/2023 08:59

You sound like an amazing mother to be honest. Gosh that is so hard. Im wondering is this woman calling all the shots and probably has been from day 1. Telling him what to do and not what to in relation to you and kids. Doesnt make it right of course as he needs to man up and take responsibility for his kids. Sounds like putting her first at the moment.
even to move her into family home
so soon is so harsh and must be hard for the kids. Sounds like you have been doing it all

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