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Original poster

Can I have some help processing how I feel about this please?

11 replies

NopeCannotThinkOfAName · 08/10/2023 08:07

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We're older (40s and 50s). Everything has been good and he's in the process of moving in with me.

Hes generaly very respectful but something happened yesterday which has left me feel a bit side swiped

He picked his 24 year old son up yesterday and brought him over. They'd been here for about half an hour and my boyfriend mentioned his son was back on the dating apps and had been talking to a girl for the past few weeks and they've planned to l
meet today.

She's at university and he told me she is stripping part time to pay her way through.

The thing is, he seemed really impressed by it.

I asked what her degree was in. His son didn't know. i wasnt even told her name. I was left with the impression that it was a bit - who cares about the person, she's a stripper!

We went out in the evening and met my son. He told my son while his was at the bar. His response was along the lines of 'fair play to her, she's probably making good money and it saves her readying student loans.'

It's like he's proud of him. Like he feels his son has landed the gold star of women.

His son's last girlfriend was at university and had a part time job. I've no idea what she did.

It's just left me feeling very uncomfortable if I'm honest. Am I overthinking it?

OP posts:
Finlesswonder · 08/10/2023 08:10

I get your concern. There's something a bit gross about it. Like he's fantasising about this younger stripper... Like he thinks "well done lad" for being with a woman who will obviously have a hot body, like that's all that matters. Which in turn can only make you question yourself and him

Zanatdy · 08/10/2023 08:11

Yeah that’s petty grim

LividGas · 08/10/2023 08:12

I’d be slowing down the moving in part.

This could be the start of seeing a side to him you don’t like, and once you’ve moved in everything is so much harder and more intense. Slow it down and keep your eyes open.

TerfinUSB · 08/10/2023 08:14

Have you talked to him about it? IME men often think about stuff like that from the man's POV only. I can understand you feeling uncomfortable about it, but you should be able to discuss it with him.

MrsElsa · 08/10/2023 08:15

Does he have a daughter? Do you?

I'd be pretty pissed off with the lot of them.

Wouldn't want to live with a man who thought that way, no.

daisychain01 · 08/10/2023 08:17

The most important thing is, do your personal values align with your DPs. Personally, I wouldn't let someone move in with me who had misogynistic tendencies towards women and it sounds like his son is a chip off the old block. But my personal beliefs don't come into this, it's what you think and care about that matters most.

Original poster
NopeCannotThinkOfAName · 08/10/2023 08:24

That's the thing. He's never previously said anything that's given me cause to feel like this. He doesn't have misogynistic views. He never criticises me, does far more cooking and housework than I ever will etc.

There was just a bit of a 'fantasy becoming reality' vibe to it all.

Yeah, and a bit of a 'lucky bastard' vibe too. I haven't had chance to speak to him. We were out last night and he's still asleep now.

But yeah it also makes me feel a bit 'settled for' if I'm honest.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 08/10/2023 09:04

I think you need to voice your concerns to him. See what he says.

MorrisWallpaper · 08/10/2023 09:08

Tell him you’re not up for living with someone who fetishises his son’s date’s PT stripping job.

Lemsipper · 08/10/2023 09:20

Hi Op, I totally understand where you are coming from and why it is making you feel “settled for” but I’m wondering if it is coming from an innocent place.

My next door neighbour, who is in her 60s - her son (who is a British Airways pilot) has a girlfriend who is a page 3 model. My next door neighbour is always telling people about this fact “you’ll never believe what she does”. And it’s not in a malicious way or because she wants to date a page 3 model. It’s just because it’s not what you’d typically expect and therefore has a bit of shock/entertainment value to it when she tells people.

If he hasn’t had any form of this type of behaviour, I would gently bring it up with him and just see what he says. He may not realise how it is coming across.

All the best OP 💕

Original poster
NopeCannotThinkOfAName · 08/10/2023 09:31

Lemsipper · 08/10/2023 09:20

Hi Op, I totally understand where you are coming from and why it is making you feel “settled for” but I’m wondering if it is coming from an innocent place.

My next door neighbour, who is in her 60s - her son (who is a British Airways pilot) has a girlfriend who is a page 3 model. My next door neighbour is always telling people about this fact “you’ll never believe what she does”. And it’s not in a malicious way or because she wants to date a page 3 model. It’s just because it’s not what you’d typically expect and therefore has a bit of shock/entertainment value to it when she tells people.

If he hasn’t had any form of this type of behaviour, I would gently bring it up with him and just see what he says. He may not realise how it is coming across.

All the best OP 💕

Thank you.

I knew there was another perspective but I was struggling to put it into words.

It's just not sitting right. The fact she wasn't even given a name. Just the total lack of respect for her as a person. Just a novelty.

I'm not sure how I was supposed to react. Was I supposed to be impressed too?

OP posts:
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