Jumping straight into a relationship after divorce

[Stillstrugglingon]

I’m almost divorced now after the most excruciatingly painful two years of my life. I found out ExH was a serial cheat, lost my in-laws and went through a court battle to protect my home which I paid for using a inheritance.

I have two teenage sons who I have focussed on since the split, a crazy dog and some wonderful friends who have kept my spirits up.

What I’ve noticed is that a number of acquaintances around the same age to me (early 40’s) have recently left long-term marriages/relationships too and nearly all of them are with a new partner within months (including ExH). I just don’t get it - but each to their own.

Their social media is filled with date night pics and holidays together after a few months and I get excited over a long dog walk and a glass of wine.

Am I weird?! Friends are worried that I’ll become ‘left behind’. What if I’m never ready?

Social media is what people want you to see, it doesn't mean it's the truth.
When you are ready go for it but there is nothing wrong with enjoying you time. I think more people should do it.
Once you live alone you realise how awesome and capable you are.

@Didsomeonesaydogs 👏 very well said!

I think my confusion is that people presume
the one who stays single, can’t get anyone and is the saddo moping about their failed marriage at home. However, I think it’s the people who put their children first, start to heal and live independently are the true winners here.

I’m proud of myself even though people presume I’m stuck.

I think my confusion is that people presume
the one who stays single, can’t get anyone and is the saddo moping about their failed marriage at home. However, I think it’s the people who put their children first, start to heal and live independently are the true winners here.

I’m proud of myself even though people presume I’m stuck.

yessssss this

You’re being really sensible. My friend got cheated on (one of her mates, lovely) and immediately got very much involved with someone who turned out to be emotionally abusive. She was way too invested in it being the cure for her broken heart that she accepted a lot of shit.

Far better to get over the trauma of your divorce and meet someone when you’re in a better place. You’re less likely to make bad decisions.

Social media doesn’t tell the proper story either, it’s very easy to make a shit situation look idyllic.

Also better to not have yet more upheaval and change for your kids on top of the divorce.

I'm one of the quick daters, although I don't plaster Facebook with it!

Took a long time to come to terms with our marriage dying (whilst still in it), no sex for ages, it was very difficult and upsetting. I was actually on a dating app a few weeks before we had the final conversation, wondering if there was any way we could both get what we wanted (he wanted to stay married, I just wanted to feel like someone was interested in me again), but swiftly realised that that wasn't going to work, and we finished things properly.

I really wasn't looking for anything serious, was avoiding talking to anyone too close even! But started talking to someone and there was just an instant connection, we met up and that was that. Nearly a year ago now. But it's long distance, see each other 2 or 3 times a month, I've had plenty of time in my own, have started a new hobby, plenty of time with my kids - I feel like I've got the best of both worlds.

Absolutely. I love my peace my freedom my own space and I can do whatever I want whenever I want.

Im the most comfortable in my own skin that I’ve ever been. If I do get into a relationship again, they need to add to what I’ve already got not complicate it.

Yep! As corny as it sounds, I think you need to learn to love yourself before you love anyone else.

I can't imagine anything worse than getting involved with anyone so soon after my divorce. Or even during my divorce.

Why would I drag anyone else into my mess?

Why would I want to create more work for myself?

I really couldn't care less if anyone is interested in me or desires me or whatever. I'm sure they're not and they don't anyway but that's beside the point. Now really isn't the time for that and any potential additional drama that it brings.

My priority during this break up and divorce time is me and the dcs. Getting us through it as quickly and cleanly as possible. Without involving anyone else.

Stbexh on the other hand has got himself fully involved with another woman who doesn't work, now expects him to support her financially and has got her name tattooed on his arm a month after we split. Embarrassing.

There is somebody for everybody. When the time is right love will find you

Similar story here @BlastedPimples . I feel sorry for these women who feel so desperate to have a man that they take on deadbeats without any question. ExH is being paraded about like a peacock with no question of his cheating on his wife of 18 years and destroying his lovely family.

Time will tell as to whether their strategy of jumping straight into a relationship works. I couldn’t cope with the drama….

I’m thirteen years post divorce and still love being single 😍

I did have one relationship about two years post divorce, but honestly I’m so much happier alone.

We are all different, just do what is right for you. Just a warning, my close friends still try to fix me up with their single male friends and genuinely struggle to understand that I am just not interested.