How often do children break a relationship?

[onamidsummer]

Partner and I are complete opposites in almost every characteristic. Before our child, we seemed to compliment each other very well, however since having our child our opposites collide constantly and frankly I do not see us working out. We had a very happy, stable relationship prior to our child, so I'm curious as to how common it is for a couple in a scenario such as this (ie. a previously solid partnership) crumble after children?

I'm not sure to be honest but I'm in a similar boat- DP and I literally never argued pre-children. Now we have 2 of our own and my stepkids moved in with us full time and since then we bicker all the time. We have some good moments too but it's hard and sometimes I wonder if we'll make it through to the other side. We are going to start couples counselling so I hope that will help us.

Having children broke my marriage too. We were very happy and carefree before hand too. My exH said he wanted to be a dad and always had seen this as part of his future but he discovered after we had our second that he didn't like the responsibility of parenthood and how it clipped his wings.

He reacted to this by having affairs but admitted his feelings of regret about having children several times during the heated rows that followed. He is now a part-time father who loves his kids but fits them in around other priorities in his life. Which they are quiet aware of.

As has been said on here before, having children is definitely like throwing a hand grenade into the middle of your relationship.

In your scenario you have to actively work at it - don’t just sit and wait for it to get better or worse. Most couples start counselling far too late, as a last resort, when it should be implemented as early as possible. Even couples who do complement each other will go through periods like this. If your time is now then do something about it.

As someone who apparently broke their parents marriage, and spent a long time having to work through those issues, in my experience it's not the child per se that is the problem. But it does show up the cracks in a relationship that probably existed previously but you could work around or ignore.

Whatever you do. Don't let your children ever get a whiff of thinking they may be responsible. It's a horrid legacy to have to carry.

In your situation as a pp said, talk and listen.

See if someone can take dc for a couple hours and have an honest conversation about how you're feeling and encourage him to talk to you too.

After ds was born dh and I had a horrible time. We were tired, stressed for different reasons and biting at eachother. It took our mums talking to eachother, coming over with some food, taking ds and telling us to set an alarm, go to bed and sleep for an hour and then eat and talk. Those few hours of sleep and just being together were the best thing for us, it reset us.