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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Are all men the same?

22 replies

KatyMB · 07/10/2023 20:20

my baby dad keeps saying that he is tired because he drove the lorry for 7-10 hours, but I can’t be tired because I work part time in the office…
he seems to forget all that comes around it - waking up early to get kids ready for school, I run to work like crazy and never have time to make myself look presentable as my one year old takes most of my time and other two need help ALWAYS with ‘mum where’s my tie’ mum where’s my PE’
Work is always busy and constant and the moment I get out I have a long list of things to do daily… shopping, cleaning, cooking, washing, and making sure my little one is ok. And that is daily, never ending and never changing story… with exception of days when I get to do more because there’s school meetings or some emergencies. I go to bed exhausted…and the moment I close my eyes- my alarm goes off and it’s a brand new day! If I have a six hour sleep is a miracle with a one year old who still cries through sleep sometimes…
but I cannot be tired, I don’t do anything…
why some men are so lazy? So selfish and so egoistic?

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2023 20:22

You chose poorly.

StSwithinsDay · 07/10/2023 20:22

Is he just the father of the 1 year old? He sounds like a shit.

BananaSlug · 07/10/2023 20:27

😬

Confusedaboutmen · 07/10/2023 20:31

Yes many men are the same

Bature · 07/10/2023 20:33

Why are you with a lazy, selfish, egotistical man? That’s a more productive question, surely?

BoomBoom0 · 07/10/2023 20:40

I do think driving a lorry for 7 hours is more tiring but he should help out a bit and more on days off.
A lot of what you do doesn't require as much concentration as driving does, you can just multitask or zone out while doing some of your chores.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/10/2023 20:51

It isn't a race to the bottom. He's tired, you're tired. Both saying you must be most tiredest doesn't help.

The point is you're both entitled to a similar amount of sleep, free time and should both do a reasonable proportion of the housework and should both respect each other.

How many days a week is he driving 7-10 hours? If he's out th house say 7-7 I wouldn't expect him to come in and cook dinner, but no reason he can't wash up whilst you do bed time or vice versa. If he's home all day and you're in work then I'd expect him to do dinner, tidy up etc and vice versa.

The issue is he doesn't seem to respect you and you don't seem to like him

Nurt · 07/10/2023 20:59

Getting into competitive tiredness battles is a recipe for disaster. You need to work together during these early years

LightSpeeds · 07/10/2023 21:11

I agree with all the PPs. He's an ignorant arse.

Original poster

KatyMB · 07/10/2023 23:36

That’s right - he doesn’t respect me and I don’t like him.
he is self employed and drives his own lorry to sometimes he work 5 hours sometimes 10. He comes around every two weeks to see his daughter, usually during that time he only moans how tired he is. There is a long story behind it but… as you rightly said - he doesn’t respect me and I wanted to hear it to make sure I’m not exaggerating. Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

KatyMB · 07/10/2023 23:40

I think that when you’re a dad or a parent - then doesn’t matter what you do for living, you have an entire set of duties waiting for you after work, and when a dad drops all this on the mum everyday, always - then there’s an issue. I don’t say that driving is more or less tiring- I say that being a working mother is a 24/7 job and when you get no help from dad, and all you hear is how tired he is, then what should I do?

OP posts:

Original poster

KatyMB · 07/10/2023 23:42

Yes Aquamarine… I definitely did chose poorly… it’s something I am aware of, but I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who is always right or never made a mistake… thanks for reminding me tho

OP posts:

Original poster

KatyMB · 07/10/2023 23:47

StSwithinsday - yes he is the dad of my one year old. Any idea of what is the best way of dealing with shit people?

OP posts:

Perfectweatherforkites · 07/10/2023 23:49

Many are like this unfortunately

Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2023 23:56

KatyMB · 07/10/2023 23:42

Most mistakes can be rectified, and this is one of them. You do not have to stay with this man. You chose to marry him, you can choose to divorce him. I suggest you do.

Original poster

KatyMB · 07/10/2023 23:58

I am not with him. I left when I was 35weeks pregnant and found out that his “ex” wasn’t ex, and he had more relationships elsewhere… he managed to full a lot of good females.

OP posts:

pastypirate · 08/10/2023 00:05

Dear op. He isn't going to change. He is rubbish. Stop trying to rely on him to help you just save your sanity.

Get yourself organised - everything sorted and laid out the night before including a presentable outfit for you with jewelry anc everything.

Pack lunches all done and anything that car go in the car the night before.

Planner stuck to the inside of the front door with pe days etc laid out on it.

When dad of the year comes to see the baby give him a cherry wave and be putting your coats on with the older kids and go out. Even if it's just to food shop or whatever. Let him get on with it and take a break from the baby x

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 08/10/2023 00:22

I agree with the pp's who say many men are like this.

Original poster

KatyMB · 08/10/2023 00:34

Luckily I am not with him…
I definitely will try to organise myself better, it’s a bit difficult now with a one year old but the older the baby the easier it should be. Thank you for your reply, the more view the better for me to see through this

OP posts:

Opentooffers · 08/10/2023 00:47

You are not with him anymore, so why care about how tired he is - it could be as much the juggling of women as well as the driving? Ignore his comments, they count for nothing.

Original poster

KatyMB · 08/10/2023 08:05

Good point! Thank you for that.
distancing myself from his nonsense is definitely needed!

OP posts:

Mummaaaaah · 08/10/2023 09:10

You might well have a part time job, but thats alongside a full time job of being a mum. On call 24/7. These blokes somethings else arent they? They just dont have a clue 🤦🏻‍♀️

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