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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Saw ex husband today

3 replies

KateMiddletonsExtensions · 07/10/2023 14:36

I was with him altogether 11 years. He was a love bomber turned abuser and fantasist who assaulted me and I haven't seen him for loads of years. There's been a craft fair at an old people's home and he was there as a volunteer by the look of things. His sister was there too so maybe a family member is resident.

He spoke to me when he held a door open and said "there you go duck" with no indication he recognised me. I've hardly changed since I last saw him but can't say the same for him. How weird.

He looks 20 years older than me. He was dressed like a dustbin man with saggy jeans that were so long he'd walked on the hem. He looked a scruff. No self respecting woman would be seen dead with him.

I couldn't stay after that and left to go to the pub. It's made me feel so vindicated that getting rid of him was a great thing to do though it's also shaken me up as well.

OP posts:
sadsack78 · 07/10/2023 15:04

I'm so sorry you went through that, and you had to see him without warning. Bumping into abusers is a terrible shock.

As for not recognizing you- he sounds like he might be mentally ill and has maybe gotten a lot worse since you were with him. Who knows what has gone on in his life since you left- could be addiction issues perhaps. He sounds like he's not doing well, and might not be all there mentally- this is all conjecture though. Could just be a simple lack of attention.

I'm so glad on your behalf that you had the strength to leave and stay away. And you did the right thing leaving immediately when you saw him. You need to protect yourself, mentally and physically.

Hope you're feeling a bit better after having a terrible shock like that, and you're taking care of yourself 💐

MrsMarzetti · 07/10/2023 15:21

That must have been a shock for you. It's not easy bumping into an ex, even worse if it is one that has abused you. My ex husband was the most evil smiling knife that i know. I only see him once in a blue moon at family events but i love it ! Only because i finally took control. I know he hates seeing me as he wants everyone to believe he is lovely but he knows that i will never lie and that one day our Grandchildren are going to ask why as Grandparents we never say a word to each other ( I sit and smile at him and his wife as i know it makes him so uncomfortable) and when they ask as adults i will tell them why and he knows i will but doesn't know how much i will say. I know it gives him sleepless nights.

KateMiddletonsExtensions · 07/10/2023 16:16

Yes it was horrible. I've now got a banger of a headache.

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