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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Did I cut him off too quickly?

9 replies

Hmmm33 · 07/10/2023 12:58

This is an OLD one.

Had a date with a guy. Similar interests, similar stages in life, attractive. Got me excited about dating again.

I didn't hear anything after the date about meeting up again, I was the one to message him the day after asking if he was up for a second date. He said yes.

Some texting back and forth but mostly initiated by me. We both were busy for a little bit. In the end we settled for a date 2 weeks after the first. We spoke about this 3 days before said date. We organised what we're going to do etc, he just had to get back to me with a time he'd be free that day as he was busy in the evening.

Didn't hear from him the next day, the day after. I kept my day free when we were supposed to meet up. He didn't message me and we didn't meet up. A few days after he dropped me a message asking how I was doing. I asked him what happened about our date. He apologised profusely saying he's had such a hectic time recently it slipped his mind to get back to me. Was saying all the right things. Apologised and insisted he was interested and asked to meet up the following weekend.

As much as I fancied him and wanted to go on a second date, I said no. Mainly because I felt like I was into it more than him and he wasn't that interested. He said he didn't want to message me too much as he thought he'd appear too full on and turn me off. I thought actions speak louder than words.

So, we didn't go on a second date. I've been on a couple more first dates since and they've been pretty shit.

I'm wondering if I was too harsh on the first guy.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
blackice · 07/10/2023 13:00

You definitely did the right thing

pinkyredrose · 07/10/2023 13:00

You did the right thing. If he 'forgets' to msg about a 2nd date he's not interested. If he wanted to meet you he would have.

blackbeardsballsack · 07/10/2023 13:03

No way. If he had liked you and wanted to see you, he would have.

theduchessofspork · 07/10/2023 13:05

Nah, he just wasn’t interested.

Keep at it, it’s a numbers game (😬)

Shapemyeyebrows · 07/10/2023 13:06

@Hmmm33 I think you did the right thing. I think there’s a difference between not coming on too strong and lacking effort / interest. It’s basic manners to let you know he couldn’t meet up for the 2nd date.

JaxiiTaxii · 07/10/2023 13:07

You look forward to a second date if you like someone, you certainly don't forget it!

You've done the right thing.

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/10/2023 13:08

You did the right thing. He’ll be dating other women and also giving them the same impression that there’s a spark. He put you firmly on the back burner and forgot you were there. Nope!

Hmmm33 · 07/10/2023 13:11

Thank you for reassuring me! I started questioning if I made the wrong decision after some terrible dates after and I'm thankful for the reassurance I didn't.

OP posts:
Peachy2005 · 07/10/2023 13:39

I have a friend like this who frequently doesn’t message me when we’ve made general plans to meet up for a walk/coffee on, say Saturday afternoon. It has happened enough that I expect it and proceed with my day regardless, so if I actually hear from her it’s a bonus and I can still meet her, but I haven’t wasted the day.

For a dating situation, absolutely unacceptable and you did the right thing…don’t question yourself! Hopefully you’ll meet the right person soon and they’ll be the right level of really keen to spend time together. Good luck 🤞

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