Loneliness

[Kitty165]

My husband is so useless when it comes to comforting me. I've a 1 year old and 2 year old. We have zero help from people so I'm pushed to my limit. He is too. But he never shows physical interest in me even to the point of no comforting me if I'm upset. I mean sometimes he will. He comes over and gives me a pat on the back. He came the bed last night and I was crying because I'd had the children all day and the baby kept waking up. I felt so overwhelmed and needed a break so badly but most of all I just needed someone to hold me for a while or just tell me I'm doing a good job....anything!!! Our sex life is non existent and I've given up trying. I can count on one hand how many times we've been intimate in the last 2 and a half years. We get on well mostly but the lack of affection and physical intimacy makes it unbearable at times. My need aren't being met in that regard at all. I've tried talking to him about this etc

My question is - has this happened to any of you and how did you cope with it?

You say you've tried talking about it, what was his response?

It's pretty common for sex to drop off with 2 young children in the mix. Maybe he worries you will feel he is instigating sex if he is too touchy feely. Or maybe he's not used to skinship without sex and you two need to practice it.

I would be inclined to say 'right, I need more hugs. How about we get into a habbit of hugging for a full 2 minutes every night before we sleep?'. Wilst doing so you could also use the time to tell them you love them or the thins you are thankful for about eachother.

Also 'I could also do with a jolly good seeing to at some point so how about we arrange a date night soon?" Discussion couldn't harm either.

You shouldn't have to keep chasing things up. Just 'this is what we're going to do. You on board? Good, lets make a plan and stick to it then'.

You have to tell them what you want. And be proactive about it. But don't go so far as to get into a habbit of 'nagging'. Because if this is happening then the relationship is really in big trouble. You're not his mum and if you can't talk things through and get an action plan and be met by equal enthusiasm about getting your relationship back on track...then don't waste your life flogging a dead horse.

I get the loneliness …. Not the touched part though at the end of each day with a toddler and want not to be touched…. But I want my DP to sit and talk and not look at his phone or watch some dumb sport/ tv … it’s sad and lonely and I’m tired of the mental load so I’ve got nothing encouraging just a virtual arm around the shoulder in solidarity.

Personally I’m getting my ducks in a row I’m tired of dealing with a baby and a teenager ( DP)

I went through this with now ex husband. I'm not sure what is worse though the loneliness of being married to someone or the loneliness of actually being a single parent with very young children and no hope of ever really building a relationship with someone again (or at least for several years)

Its the lack of intimacy and caring isnt it? I had that..25 years. If i didn't instigate sex cuddles kisses, it would never have happened. I grew tired of not feeling heard, loved. If intimacy is lacking, therell be minimal sex. Im tactile, he wasnt. Mismatch! 25 years!! I know! Don't do this.
Talk with him..you need etc etc etc. If he cant, youre incompatible and believe me its lonelier the longer it goes on x