My ex and I like someone else.

[username0202]

I’m post breakup 3 months. Me & my ex together 3 years.1 year into our relationship he had lied about taking drugs on the regular basis.
He then didn’t use for 2 years.
I then a few months back found messages to indicate he had been using, asked to prove he wasn’t through his cash withdrawals on his bank account. He refused. So we broke up as I had lost Trust. During our break I went on u 2 dates,1
Fumble with a work colleague and 2 were
On 2 different dates this was over 2 months,
I kissed 2
And did things with the work colleague. (not full intimacy) not my proudest moments.
I was extremely emotional and lost & I immediately felt guilty and told my ex as even though I’m single I still felt bad.
He said he didn’t care and still loved me and still wanted to get back together as a trial period to see if it can work.
He’s sorry and willing to show me
His bank account now to build back up the trust.
I feel like if I don’t have this trial period how will I ever known it can work between us ? He said he jus wants us to be exclusive and see eachother a few times a week so we can still work on ourselves. As I have zero self esteem and haven't for months.
We
Also went through a few difficult times togther and had a few miscarriages too. I like this new guy, he's an
old friend.. I don't think there's a future tho as he has a long distance relationship who is unsure about there future too. So it's not a great start even though we like eachother and it's wrong that he did this with me.

I’m
Frustrated as I have enough reasons to get back to my ex and enough not too. And I don’t know how to measure whether it’s a good idea or not. Maybe I think time will tell.
And to also forget about the other guy ? It's such a mess and I feel so lost.

In my opinion it would be whether you can trust that your ex has stopped for good and won't revert back to old habits and how the rest of the relationship was. Weigh up the good and bad.

As for the new guy, I would say that's not ideal. If he wanted to he could have broken that off so, right now to him you are an option and so is the other. Don't be someone's option.

Maybe take some time out and figure out what you want to do, build yourself back up without rushing into anything. Should you decide to try again with you ex, maybe take it slow see if he can uphold his promise.

Both these guys are knobs.
The fact you told your ex and feel.guilty shows you still feel connected to him. So it's not fair on you or a man to get into a new relationship.
But your ex does not sound capable of a good relationship.

Bin them both and spend some time with female friends and family who love you for you. Worry about relationships when you feel happier in yourself.

You don’t have to have a partner, OP. It really sounds like some time being single and enjoying your own company would be great for you.

The ex is a drug addict and the other guy isn't single.

Have you considered therapy?
The freedom program too.

You sound a mess. Focus on getting yourself sorted before entering any relationship.

@RantyAnty hi Thankyou for your reply. It made me think, is the freedom programme specifically for DV victims? As you mentioned it to me and I wondered why you thought it may help me ? Thankyou xx

A drug user or a cheat?

I wouldn't tolerate either. You deserve better.

I think you still need time away from your ex and the other guy isn’t an option as he is in a relationship with somebody else long-distance or not he still in a relationship and hasn’t ended it with this person. If he liked you, as much as you like him, he would’ve done so.
what you need is time alone for quite a bit to sort your head out. you don’t need to be with anyone right now

You broke with he because he takes drugs and lie to you.

You went on dates and did whatever.

He asked you for another opportunity. And now you are feeling guilty? Why?

You left him, because you don't trust him this is the main sentence.
Whatever you have done with the other guy and whatever your ex had said after doesn't matter. You need to think clear and for that some time on your own won't harm you.

There are other men. It’s not a choice between these two. Neither of them are able to give you what you need. Cut them both loose.

Yea I would not bother to see either of them they both sound like hard work and it really shouldn't be like that.
Take some time for yourself and forget these losers. Good luck.