DP’s ex won’t move on and contacts his family member

[shadowrose]

I have been with my partner for 2 years and we recently got engaged. Before me, he was in a 4 year relationship which ended in 2015.

Even though the relationship ended years ago, his ex seems unable to move on. Soon after he met me, she made a fake social media profile using his pictures (he does not use social media) and she reported his WhatsApp photo (a photo of us) so his account was temporarily suspended. After changing his privacy settings and reporting the fake profiles, things were ok.

Until now. We recently found out that his cousin has been chatting to the ex online and has been telling her things about DP, me and our relationship. I don’t feel comfortable with her doing this because it’s causing problems.

Since his cousin told the ex about the engagement, weird things have been happening. DP’s Apple ID was hacked and a lot of strange apps appeared on his account. He also kept receiving spam emails, links to poker sites, online dating sites etc. He says that his ex knew all his passwords and suspects she’s behind it. Now that he’s changed passwords and tightened security settings, this has stopped.

DP confronted his cousin and asked her to stop passing information to his ex. The two didn’t even get on or like each other, so clearly the ex is only keeping in contact because it’s a way to stalk my partner. She got upset and said she was only speaking to her because she’s having a hard time because the relationship ended unexpectedly (a hard time for 8 years?🤔) and she feels sorry for her because she was also dumped by someone she loved. She seems to think my DP was wrong for ending the relationship and views the ex as a victim. She apparently told her about the engagement because she was ‘excited and happy for us’. 🙄 He has requested that she delete her from social media and stop contact if she wants to stay in touch with us.

I am tired of this situation because I should be excited about our wedding but instead I’m stressing about this woman I’ve never met. Her social media profile is full of photos of her looking sad and broken heart emojis. I’ve never seen someone so obsessed with an ex, she seems to have made no effort to move on with her life.

I also feel betrayed by the cousin, who I thought I had a good relationship with. We are friends on some social media and occasionally chat. I feel as if she has disrespected me by doing this and now I can’t trust her.

How can we move on from this? Should I try and discuss it with the cousin or just leave it to my DP? I’ve never experienced this before and it’s getting me down.

This is an awful lot of drama. I would cut ties with the cousin for now. Remove/block her from any social media for both of you and don't actively update her on life plans. Make sure all your accounts and devices are locked down. It's a bit lazy of your partner to not have changed his passwords in 8 years, knowing this woman could be accessing his accounts. Make sure she is well blocked from anything you use.

And this isn't too insinuate that your partner is being dishonest, because he could really and truly have a properly crazy ex! But in past relationships when I had to deal with 'crazy exes' who couldn't seem to move on from a relationship that had ended years ago and had a really unhealthy fixation with me and with my then partners, it turned out in the end that the relationships had not ended years ago and they had continued to hook up while we were together, hence why the crazy came out so strongly. They were probably a bit unhinged too, but their behaviour made a lot more sense when it was obvious that they were acting crazy because they were being strung along, and not just because they were an ex from a million years ago who had never let go.

Your problem is you. His ex has no bearing on your life, and your partner's cousin can speak to whomever they wish to. You say his ex is obsessed with the both of you, but why are you stalking her social media?

Just forget about this woman and live your life.

@Aquamarine1029 I do not stalk his ex’s social media. Until this latest thing happened, I didn’t even know her name! I looked on her profile once while with DP, to find out whether the cousin was in her friends list, as the cousin had said they were not friends. I don’t stalk his ex and I don’t care about his previous relationship.

I know the cousin can talk to who she wishes, that’s not the issue. The issue is that she is sharing personal details about mine and my partner’s life. If they were talking about general things I wouldn’t care but it’s clear this isn’t the case.

Research cyber stalking - it’s a crime.

Gather evidence and report to police.

Do nothing with her as that’s the reaction and oxygen she’s seeking.

Distance yourself from cousin.

Put them on an info diet and lock down your SM.

Congrats on your engagement.

You and your dp need to cut his cousin off, at least temporarily. His ex sounds unhinged.

This, its serious.
A visit from the police will give her a kick up the arse.

I agree. you either don’t know anything like the full story / you dh is lying, or she is dangerous. They broke up in 2015. Her behaviour doesnt make sense.

Stop looking at her profile. Lock down all your SM. Tell the cousin as little information as possible. Then put it behind you.